Quotes For You

*** Sometimes, everything needs to fall apart before it can really fit together right... ***

*** I still have feelings for you. And no matter how many times that I tell myself that I am better off without you, a part of me just won't let go... ***

*** I can't promise you a perfect relationship without arguments and differences. However, I can promise you, as long as you're trying , I am staying... ***

*** I don't want a perfect relationship. I just want someone who I can act silly with , someone who treats me well, and loves being with me... ***

*** No relationship is not perfect, but that doesn't mean that it is not worth saving... ***

*** Sometimes... two people need to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together... ***

*** It's hard to keep friendship these days, I guess people think it's okay to leave when you need them the most...***

*** In a relationship, it's always quality over quantity. Not how long you love, but how much you love...***

*** I love how we used to talk all the time, non stop, have heaps of laughs, and then one thing goes wrong, it all backfires, and now we're just like strangers...***

Blah Blah

I have been meaning to write sooner. Something about what I feel or think. But for the last days, I have been lacking inspiration to do something productive. Or creative for that matter. I've been bringing Aidan, in the hopes that I will be able to write something more, but I just could not find the time, nor the location to write my thoughts. Hopefully, will be able to write about something soon.

Random Thoughts

*** I'm at the office right now, feeling all sleepy and moody. Maybe because I lack sleep. It's a Monday. Never had a real, good rest on a Monday.

*** Hate my pathetic, crappy place. I swear, need to find a new place soon. I'm all stressed out because of that, and it's really not helping.

*** Missing my boys all of sudden. I think, I need to be a lot more patient with them. I guess it's the hormones. I wish I can tell them soon enough what the hell is really going on. They seem excited anyway.

*** My work, is okay. The pay sucks. Seriously. After almost 6 months, I'm still not used to the pay. It doesn't make any sense. But I can't find another job at this time. Maybe after 6 months.

*** Did not take the trainer role. Not at this time. My attendance sucks big time, and I need to work on it first before I take on any role. I swear.

*** Rebelling . I think.

*** Had fun last Saturday. Hopefully, we can do it again, and soon!

*** Sleepy. Sleepy. Sleepy. Will sleep later.

*** Saw the pups. My Cash is so cute. But I don't think the name Cash suits him. :)

My Weekend

It's been a long time since I went out on a weekend. I guess the last time was last year, when A and me were still okay. I miss going out every weekends. I miss hanging out, just talking to friends, watching them get drunk, or getting drunk myself too. :)

It's not that I don't like spending weekends with my boys. They're the best so far. But of course, sometimes, we all need to unwind, and sit down and just be ourselves.

I met up with old grade school friends on Saturday night. It was originally supposed to be just Mitch, Kervin and me, but the very last minute, we decided to invite some more people for added fun. Too bad it was only Rubin who came, but again, it was short notice.

We went to a bar in BF (with all of good memories in it), Carwash (I'll tell you about it on a different blog). Had a couple of songs, had a couple bucket of Gilbeys and ate nachos, then left. We were talking about so many things, laughed about so many stories all of which happened during grade school.

After that, we went to Tavern and met up with Mitch's friends, then went to her place to crash.

Hope we get to schedule another night like this, this time, with more friends... and I hope nexttime, you will be there. =)

So Now What Do You Feel?

I saw the pictures from their visit on Sunday, and it was fun. True, it was a surprise, didn't even grasp who the visitors were, and even if I was seeing them, technically, I wasn't. Did not even realize who they were in the beginning.

It felt good. I know they missed the kids too. And I acknowledge the fact that they do love my sons. I appreciate all the good things, and their effort of staying in touch. But I have my reasons too, you know, of why I am not answering calls and text messages.

I love the pictures.

But seriously, I am just wondering... What do YOU feel when you see the pictures of my son? What did YOU feel when you saw our Christmas pictures? Did it ever strike you that YOU RUINED MY FAMILY???

YES. YOU. YOU-whose-name-I-won't-mention, but I know, if my close friends will come across this blog, they will probably know who YOU are.

YOU, WHO KEPT ON DENYING THAT YOU AND MY HUSBAND WERE NEVER TOGETHER.

YOU, WHO CAN'T EVEN ADMIT THAT YOU AND MY HUSBAND ARE A COUPLE.

YES. YOU.

How the hell could you stand such pictures if ever you check my husband's profile? How the hell could you sleep at night saying that you did not do anything wrong? How the hell could you even breathe knowing that you ruined my family?

YOU KNOW HE IS MARRIED. YOU FOUND OUT THAT WHAT HE WAS SAYING WAS NOT TRUE. YOU FOUND OUT THAT WE WERE STILL TOGETHER. SO WHY DID YOU PURSUE IT??? WHY DID YOU CONTINUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP KNOWING THAT HE WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH.

YES YOU. YOU KEEP ON SAYING THAT YOU ARE GOD FEARING. And I will always rebuke that asking you back... IF YOU REALLY ARE GOD FEARING, THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU STRIKE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS?

So what do you really call yourself now? GIRLFRIEND??? WIFE???

I AM SO SORRY... I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE LEGAL WIFE. FOR AS LONG AS WE ARE NOT YET ANNULLED. I WILL ALWAYS BE THE LEGAL MRS. SJD. NOT YOU. BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE "OTHER WOMAN". THE ILLEGAL ONE.

You Don't Know How Much ....

You don't know how much you are hurting me. You don't know a single thing that I am going through at this time. I don't get why you're so mad at me. When all I ever wanted was for my questions to be answered. I want to understand you. I want to forget you. I want to leave you alone, for good. But I can't. I can't seem to be finding closure for me. That's why I keep on running back to you. That's why I keep on looking for you.

Don't think of me as a responsibility. I can take care of myself. I have been taking care of myself for the longest time. Consider me as your partner. Or better yet, consider me as your friend. I can be there for you, if you want to. I can be there for you if you need me.

You put me in a situation where you want me to go away. You pushed me away. And I really do not understand why. How. You told me you love me. You told me you would never leave me. But you did.

If you just know how much pain and hurt I went through. Now I am stuck in this situation because this is what you want.

Now I ask myself, if you really did love me. Because if you did, you would have never given up that easy.

I just felt you never gave me a chance to be your partner. I feel that you never gave me a chance to straighten things out. You just judged me.

I Survived March 8

I was anticipating that this day was going to be different. I'd feel different. I have been waiting for this day since November. Why? I want to know what I would be feeling on this day. But I guess because I wasn't really feeling well, this day passed on without my knowledge. It was a normal day for me. Aside from the fact that my yahoo mail got hacked, but other than that, no relapsing. No crying. Though, I had to admit, I felt a bit weird.

I guess I knew what was really happening. And expecting too much emotions, I didn't feel anything. Well I guess, a bit, but not the "well" I was expecting.

Why is this day important anyway? It's because this day was the day that changed my life forever. This day made me realize how unhappy I was. This day made me realize how happy I can still be. This day made me realize that I can still be loved, and hurt the most by the same person.

Knocking On My Door

It was a weird day today. I was ready packing up. Doing my usual thing after my shift. After a very unproductive day :(, I realized I just had to let the day go. I promised myself that I am going to be productive tonight and try to surpass my goal.

B approached me from outta blue, and he said that he wanted to talk to me about something. I racked my brain, asking myself if I have done something wrong. He asked me to go to his station at the other side. Went there still thinking about what he wanted.

He said we needed to go somewhere, and I realized he was taking inside our manager's office / interview room. Hmmm... He asked me about training and all that baloney. How I was. My experience. Asked me if I applied. I said no. C and I have been talking about it, and I told him that I don't think I am ready for that at this time. Just being honest. I really don't know.

I was half way through the interview when I realized that I was being interviewed / profiled for the position. And that was probably the first level interview. I just found myself answering the questions. And I honestly admitted that I really have no idea of what was happening. Because the truth is, I was really taken by surprise. And honestly, I am really not good in taking at surprises. And somehow, I think, I got sucked into the interview itself.

I was asked to submit a Letter of Intent. Not even an application form. Not even a resume. And honestly, I don't know what to do.

It's not that I can not do it. I have been in that position before. I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. Financially, it would help. Seriously help. But then again, should I really take it?

I don't know if I'm emotionally ready to take on that role. What if I can't? What if I'm not ready?

But what if C is right? If this was the one that I left last year because I can't handle it at that time... Could this be my saving grace this time?

A Quote For You

I wish I could hurt you the way you hurt me.

But I know that if I had the chance, I wouldn't do it.

I Got Distracted!!!

I was supposed to write something about today's date. However, I got distracted because I think that someone just hacked my Yahoo Mail!!! Freak out!!!! Damn!!! I swear that I have been typing in the correct password but I could not get into my yahoo mail!!! Damn!!!

Should I Do It or Not?

I need enlightenment. I came across a new opportunity. Something challenging and something that I have been doing ever since. I already spoke to @wanderercris81. Well, not really speak, but I got an idea of what he was thinking about. I also spoke to Raziel Emmanuel Kane, asking, maybe scouting for better ideas. I don't know. I'm confused and I really honestly know if I can do it. New challenge. New responsibilities. But self fulfillment. Prestige. I don't know.I think I need to sleep it off.