*** How Am I? ***

After one week of being in the graveyard shift, well, I dont think that I have adjusted to this shift yet. I miss my babies, I miss Sam, I miss working with my friends in the morning shift, I miss sleeping at night. I miss everything that I get to do in the morning. I miss relaxing at night. :( I really dont know as to how long Im gonna last, but lemme see... hmmm... probably until the end of the month. Hopefully after peak, if I am still with my work, I will just request to go back to the morning shift.

I'm really not myself :( Cant even post a decent entry :(

*** Im a Walking Zombie ***

After three years, this is my first night in the Night Shift. Yep, that's correct. I'm in the night shift now. And frankly, I am about to drop dead any minute. I can hardly keep my eyes open, and drinking starbucks cofee and coke doesn't help. I never imagined that I would be in the night shift, but then again, there are things that I have to stand up for. This was my choice. So I have to make them see that I can stand this. This is my first day. So its perfectly understandable.

It all started on Tuesday, I came to the office, and wala! There was a "surprise" waiting for me. OM was waiting for me to tell me that she's changing her mind, and wants me to start taking calls again. What the f#@! I thought we already have an understanding that I am not going to take calls again, but well, I guess I thought wrong. She gave me two options, First option would be to take calls again and I will stay on the morning shift OR Second option will be to be STRICTLY emails but my shift will be from 10 pm to 7 am.

I dont wanna take calls anymore. I decided to take the night shift / strictly emails duo rather than the morning shift / calls duo. Why you may ask? Why? I dont know. I really hate working at night. Plus the fact that I'd be missing my babies so much. Nicko's kaka, and Sajie's hugs. I'm sure going to miss it. But then again, I'm only giving myself 1 month, then I'd go. I've sure decided to go. It's just not so worth it anymore.

** to be continued... not myself... super sleepy **

** continuation ***

It's a good thing, the system is down, and I havent done anything since I guess 1 this morning. :D At least, Im not really that "over-worked" Hahaha. What a term! Anyway, at least Starbucks Tofee Nut Latte and Coke worked for me. :D Im not that sleepy anymore. Well, Im not really saying thatit's good combination - but then again, when you're that desperate to stay alive - er, I mean awake - you just get to combine drinks and food.

I miss my kids, and Honeybachoy. I really do. I miss sleeping with them. Although I know that sooner or later I will have to get used to it, but then again, I just miss being with them. :C If I can just resign now, I will probably just go, but then again, I'm not yet ready to leave my job. Hopefully after a month, I will ok. :D

Whatever, still nonesense - this is what you get for not sleeping before work at night. :C

*** A Letter ***

Dear Chickie, Armi, Debbie and Krysna,

Thanks for giving me the chance to talk to you last night. After 6 long years, finally, we had the chance to talk about "it".

Tama kayo, masahado ng matagal to still dwell on the topic, pero tama ren kayo, mashado masakit para makalimutan lang ng ganon ion diba? I know i have hurt you guys, and i guess, it's too late to actually explain my side. Pero para saan pa ba? Pero sana maniwala kayo, hindi ko kayo gusto saktan. Siguro for a moment, naging selfish ako. I have to admit, inisip ko lang ren what will make me happy. Ang pagkakamali ko lang, hindi ko agad sinabe sa inyo iong totoo.

I had no intentions of giving you up. Pero alam mo ion, nung time na ion, feeling ko wala akong choice. Siguro nga pumili ako agad. Siguro nga hindi ko muna pinalamig iong situation. Siguro nga mali talaga ako, pero as I have said last night, there came a time when I did regret my decision. And giving you up was one of the most painul decisions that I have ever did. I never got over that fact. Hanggang ngayon. There are still times that I wish that you're by my side, just like before.

6 years has passed between us. Ang dami na nangyari, ang dame na nagbago. But I am happy kase hanggang ngayon solid as a rock pa ren kayo. Nakakatuwa isipin na magkakasama pa ren kayo, just like before. And how I wish na sana kasama pa ren ako dun sa group nyo.

Alam mo ko naman, things will never go back to normal, I mean, we will never go back to being the old us. And I know that. When I gave you up guys, that's one risk that I took. I know for a fact na I have lost you talaga -- not to mention the friendship -- and that's one thing that hurted me the most. But like what I said, I have to make a choice, and actually stand by the decision that I made. And kagaya ng sabe ko sa inyo kagabe, there will come a time na magkikita tayo, and masasabi ko sa inyo na ok kame ni Sam. We are. Hindi perfect pero strong and happy. Masaya kame despite the rough roads, the heart aches, the tears. Alam ko naman na happy na ren kayo for me and my family.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Sayang I know I will not be a part of your furture anymore. But here's to hoping the best life for all of us. Wish ko lang, sana when I walk down the aisle, andon kayo.

I just want you to know that I missed all of you so much. Everything about the group, the laughter, the stupidity, the late night drinking / crying sessions, the chickahans, ang walang kasawa - sawang pagkain sa Matty's, lahat. Namiss ko talaga kayo. At namimiss ko pa ren kayo. Hanggang ngayon. You will always be a part of my life.

Debbie - miss na miss ko iong kaartehan mo. Hehehe. Iong pagiging sosyal, at pa girl kuno. :D Ang pagiinsist na dapat everytime na may lakad tayo, dapat my kotse. Miss ko iong pagdalaw mo sa bahay, iong pag gulo mo sa room ko everytime andon ka. Iong pag iingay mo. Iong mga advices mo. Iong pagiging bato mo. :D Babae ka na ngayon! :D

Krysna - congrats! pareho na tayo mommy ngayon. Sayang, my sons will never get to know your Jared. But I am happy for you. Miss ko iong pagiging kikay mo. Iong singing voice mo. Iong pag sayaw mo ng you're the one that I want. The Sir Sarmiento days... hahaha... Iong pagtawag mo ng madaling araw just to say na best friend mo ako kase lasing na lasing ka. I will never forget that. Thanks for keeping up with my crazy attitude.

Chickie - Chix, haaay... if there's one thing that I regret, ion iong I had to give you up. You and your boses-lup-wala-akong-pakialam-basta-kakanta-ako type of attitude. :D In fairness, tumaas talaga ang boses mo ng ilang notes. Hahaha. I miss you so much Chickie. as in. Ang hirap pala pag wala kayo sa tabi ko. Lalo na iong kapag may problems ako, miss ko iong mga advices mo sa ken. Iong pagpunta mo sa bahay, pagkain ng food namen, pangungulit sa mommy ko para lang humingi ng crema de fruta. Aion tuloy, sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng crema de fruta, kaw naalala ko. Congratulations. You were able to live up our dream. Doctor ka na:D I miss hanging out with you. Dining out with you, or just spending time with you. I miss our laugh trip days, iong paglakad naten ng gabe nina Armi. Lahat ion. Im really sorry for hurting you, sorry kung di kita napapansin everytime nagkikita tayo sa kanto. It's not na nagsusuplada ako. Umiiwas lang ako for fear na baka hindi mo ako pansinin, or deadmahin mo lang talaga ako. Miss ko iong tawa mo. Miss kita. As in.

Armi - I really have no intentions of hurting you because of Sam. Gustong - gusto ko talaga sabihen sa yo iong totoo, pero natakot ako. Naduwag. Hindi ko sinasadya. I'm really sorry for hurting you so badly. Sorry for taking our friendship for granted. I didn't mean to fall for Sam. There are a thousand things that I can say - pero ion nga, tapos na ion eh. Wala na talaga ako magagwa pa, wala na akong pwedeng gawen pa. I miss our long talks over the phone, or iong pagpunta mo ng gabe sa bahay. Iong mga pag simba naten together, iong pag lakad naten nina Chickie after every dinner. Iong pag hang-out ko sa bahay nio, or vice versa. Sobrang miss ko ion times na pag may problem ako anjan ka sa tabi ko. Ikaw lage iong first ko na natatawagan everytime may gagwen akong kagaguhan. I miss hanging out with you and Chickie. I miss you sis. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way that we planned, but I'm happy kase I got to be your friend. Thank you kase pumayag ka na maging ninang ni Nicko. Thank you talaga.

I'm really sorry if I really hurted your feelings. Ang dame kong gustong sabihen sa inyo. Ang dame-dame talaga. Pero tapos na eh. Nalipasan na ng panahon eh. We grew up apart - for 6 years - there were so many things na nangyari. But really, thank you for giving me the chance na makausap kayo. It was nice hanging out with all of you again. Kagaya nga ng usapan naten, hindi na tayo babalik sa dati. Malabo na, pero at least ngayon, siguro naman, hindi nio na ako dedeadmahin pag nakita nio ako. I really, really miss you guys. So much. I'm happy you got to be a part of my life.

Ang weird man, but I still stand by what I say. I'm still here for you. Although alam ko na you do not need me anymore. But If in case, kailanganin nio ako - I'm still here for you. I always am. I always will be.

I'm sorry talaga. I missed all of you.

Love,

Nela

*** Current Mood: Sentimental ***

HAWAK KAMAY

by: Yeng Constantino (Pinoy Dream Academy)

Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema

Minsan mahihirapan ka at masasabing “di ko makakaya”

Tumingin ka lang sa langit

Baka sakaling may masumbungan

Di kaya ako’y tawagin

Malalaman mong kahit kailan

*

Hawak-kamayDi kita iiwan sa paglakbay

Dito sa mundong walang katiyakan

Hawak-kamay

Di kita bibitawan sa paglalakbay

Sa mundo ng kawalan
Minsan madarama mo

Ang mundo’y gumuho sa ilalim ng iyong mga paa

At ang agos ng problema’y tinatangay ka

Tumingin ka lang sa langit

Baka sakaling may masumpungan

Di kaya ako’y tawagin

Malalaman mong kahit kailan

*

**

Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka

Laging isipin meron kang kasama

Narito ang tulong

Narito ako

*

Sa mundo ng kawalan

Hawak-kamay,

Hawak-kamay

Sa mundo ng kawalan

*** Resuming Wedding Preparations ***

Good news: We are resuming our wedding preps. Yep, we plan to have it next year, but I think Kuya Marc would also want to get married next year as well. That's fine. If they wanna get maried next year. We can have it in 2008, and this time, I know it's going to be for real already. I just realized that planning a wedding is really hard especially if you pay attention to the smalles details. After all, you should because more or less, it's gonna happen just once in a lifetime. (Not unless you wanna get married again. hahaha) It's just exciting, and now I'm realizing a lot of things about wedding preparations.

Eniwei, we still do not have a specific date. It can either September 9, 2007 or September 9 2008. But to tell you honestly, I would prefer to have the wedding in 2008. At least we'll have more time to prepare, more time to save money for the wedding. Hehehe. Also September 9, 2007 is a Sunday, and most of the churches do not have Sunday weddings. We have also altogether scraped the idea of having a beach wedding. Although, that's exactly my dream wedding. Hubby told me that he would prefer to have the rites in a church, and just have the beach wedding ceremony as our renewal of vows. I also realized that it is fine, so our pockets won't hurt that much either.

Now were planning to do it either in Manila or Tagaytay. We also have an idea of where the rites will be held where the reception will be. Just dont wanna disclose the information. Will just talk about it after there are final plans already. :D

*** My Last Day Taking Calls ***

Yahoo! I will not be doing voice calls anymore! I'm going back to the email team! Yahoo. It's to my advantage actually, at least that now, Im formally not doing calls anymore, I dont have anything to do with them anymore. I am out of their way. They are out of my lives. :D

I guess if there's one thing that I will be missing from doing calls, its those long downtimes expecially after my lunch, and all you will ever do is surf the internet until work lets out. But the stress and the customers, no, I won't be missing them. And I know that it will not affect the Voice Team if I just go back to doing emails. After all, lahat naman sila magagaling don. :D (with a sarcastic grin here)

Call me bitter or whatever, you can just say whatever you want to. I dont care. Frankly, all I would ever care about is how to stay until I get my 13th month bonus. After that, I dont think we will still look forward to something else. Hehehe... Bahala sila. They know what's wrong. They just refuse to acknowledge that.

*** Todos Los Santos ***

For 14 years, I have been going to Manila Memorial Park Parañaque for the traditional visit to the grave on November 1st. I used to hate, because I really don't like going to Memorial Park when there are so many people. It's so dirty, and so many garbage are lying around. But in some ways I enjoy it because I get to see my cousins and spend the night together chitchatting. I miss doing that. Things have been pretty different now. We all have our own lives, our families, and you know, not everyone is present anymore. And i miss those days.

When Daddy was still alive, we used to go to Laguna and spend our Todos Los Santos in the grave of my maternal grandparents. All of my maternal cousins will be there, and we would go or they would treat me to a perya and since that's the only time that I see those things, it's always an excitement to go home to Laguna. But when Daddy passed away, we go to Manila Memorial and spend our Halloween's and All Saint's Day there. If we're not busy on the 2nd, mom and I would go to Parañaque Cemetery and visit my paternal grandparents.

Hay, those were the days.

Badtrip... lost my concentration.

*** Happy Birthday Mommy ***

Happy, Happy Happy Birthday Mommy! May you have more to come. Uhmmm... hinay - hinay sa love life ha! Ang australian, dadating pa sa December. Heheehehehe... Talo mo talaga ako pagdating sa appeal! :D I love you so much. Uwi ka naman sa bahay at wag ka naman palage jan sa Laguna. Miss ka na ng mga bata. Yoya sila ng Yoya eh!

WE LOVE YOU!

Love from,
Nela Ganda, Sam, Sajie and Nicko

*** So-So Whatever State ***

The past few days have been lazy for me. Work has become ultra boring that I have actually missed quite a number of days from work just to be with my kids. The environment in the office sucks! BIG TIME! In my opinion, the updates within the floor was a total joke for me and the rest of the tenured guys. (Never mind what other people are going to say. This is my blog. This is my opinion). Such power trippers. Such ass kissers. (To a certain few - you deserve what has given to you.) Whatever. Not bitter, just disgusted with how the system in the office works. I almost totally lost it. Resigning right then and there. Good thing, my friend kept me intact, and hubby was supportive enough to listen to my grudges at work. Such a supportive partner. :D

Enihows, life has been going on. With weirder stuff everyday. I dunno. I guess what I really need is good pampering and rest. Lots and lots of rest. Plan to have a vacation, just dont know when. There are really days that I feel so off at work, that I just want to go home, if not for the bills and the pride -- I probably would've resigned. Will just wait until I get my 13th month pay on December. Lets see what happens if I can still take the joke. If I can, will probably last until I leave for US next year (hopefully), if I can no longer take it, will just say good bye come February. If the January plan will push through, will probably say bye-bye to the office come January. :D (And I am really wishing the our plan in January will push through -- I really need this more than ever)

Plus the fact the kids are getting charmer and charmer everyday. I really cannot believe how fast time flies with my kids. Sajie has been the malambing one, but Nicko is also malambing, but he's more pikon than his Kuya. Sajie is excited to go to school this summer, Nicko is now learning to write, well, just doodle, using both his hands. I wonder if he'll be left handed. Sajie is right handed, like me. :D Such intelligent, charming little ones. :D I love them so, very much!

Back to work, everybody else has become a complete mum about the "updates". Although, the tenured guys wanna express their side as well. We're still debating whether we are going to send the email or not, of if our plans will push through (so many plans!har!har), we leave altogether. We're also planning to hit the beach after the Christmas season, Im planning to do it with my family before the holidays. Maybe in time for Nicko's birthday. If we have the budget, maybe we will have a vacation together with the family. Basically, me, hubby, Saj, Nick and Ate Josie. Will still ask mom to join us so she can spend the holidays with us as well. Still feel bad that she and Papa broke up already, but there's news. Her best friend who is based in Australia is introducing a new Australian guy to my mom. The guy's quite interested. Let's see if she'll give this one a chance. They will be coming home this December, and maybe the guy will be with my mom's bestfriend. Hahahaha... Good one mom! Lakas talaga ng appeal mo. Hahahahahha! Love my mom so much. Im not really that expressive, but I really do.

*** The Weeks After ***

Almost a month after Delaine's untimely demise, things are back to our normal state. We have been going on with our lives, which is what we know she wants. I got to talk to her siblings last week, and we all feel the same way. "Parang nasa abroad lang si Delaine". Which is true. It feels like she's just somewhere out there, not physically present, but you just know she's there.

As for me, I have been trying so hard to get over my trauma. I can now go to the bathroom of my office alone. During the first week, it was so hard for me to go to the bathroom alone. But now, I'm fine, although there are times that I just leave the door of the bathroom open (not the cubicle alright!) :D

It took me two weeks to actually sleep again without the lights. Imagine the sacrifice hubby and my babies are doing. It was so hard for me to sleep with out the lights. I honestly cant breathe. I cant sleep. But thanks to my hubby's patience and support, now I can go to bed without the lights, just like before. :D

I have also been trying to take a bath without somebody waiting for me outside our bathroom. The last weeks, I always wake up hubby to accompany me to go down stairs, but this morning, I was able to do it alone! Yahoo! What an accomplishment! :D

But still, there are times that I find myself thinking about what happened. I know in due time, all things will heal. Just imagine, I'm just her friend, and I feel like this. What more does her siblings feel?

I know that in God's own good time, everything will heal, and that everything will be near-normal state again.

And I pray for that to happen soon.

*** One September Night (Part 2) ***

Continuation....


Tintin called me at around 10:30 confirming the news of Delaine's death. DELAINE IS DEAD. I was staring at the wall trying to digest the words. That can't be true. This means that I wont be seeing her seating outside with her towel, her white sando and shorts. I wont be hearing her call Nicko,"Kuykuy", I wont be receiving any text messages from her anymore. These words were a complete shock to me. I never imagined I would get to experience this. I have never imagined that this can happen to a neighbor, much more to a friend. I was trying to console Michele. What happened? Why did I not hear anything? Did she ask for help? What happened to her? Did she had a seizure. I tried to ask Michele the questions, but like me, she didn't know what happened as well. We all know for a fact that Delaine had goiter, but I dont think goiter be the main cause for her demise. Maybe she had a stroke, or an epileptic seizure, or a heart attack. At this point, there were so many questions, the overwhelming situation didn't help either.

Tin called me up asking if we can contact their mom who was in Japan that time. Me call their mom? HELL NO. NO WAY. But I knew I had to. I was trying to be strong, and I was trying to act as calm as possible and try to console Michele, who was incosolable at that moment. But the worst thing was she had to call their relatives to tell them of the news of what happened. I have never answered so many personal phone calls in my entire life. I didn't even think that it was possible to asnwer 3 calls all at once. Two with a cell phone, and one with a landline. I didn't even know what I was doing or saying that time, so when Tin asked me to contact their mom, my mind went blank. I didn't even know how to call overseas, but in a twist of fate, I was able to dial their mom's number without me even knowing. Their landline rang, and since Michele didn't want to answer the phone, I answered the phone. It was their mom. Uh-oh. She asked why we called her phone. I asked her if she was their mom, since I really dont know her voice, I introduced myself to her, and told her that Michele needs to talk to her. I handed the phone to Michele, and told her to tell her mom what happened. That was the worst thing. My heart went out to Nanay Rose, when I heard her shout. I was two - three feet away, and I swear, I heard her wailing. Her grief was indescribable. As a mom myself, I dont think I can bear that if I am away, and if anything like happens to my children. My heart went out to mother and child, and although they were talking in the Visayan dialect, I understood them.

I had to bring Michele to the hospital. Good thing, hubby's best friend, Erdy heard the news, and even asked me why did we not call him? I was like, I dont know what to think anymore. Erdy told me to get dressed so we can go to the hospital. He had to tell that twice because I was already spaced out, and just didn't hear him the first time he told me because I was in total, complete shock. Up to this very day, I still could not describe how shock I was.

When I saw Delaine in the hospital, I knew I had to get out of the emergency room. It reminded me of my Daddy's death 14 years ago. I still could not believe it. I really cant. I was trying to be strong as the next person, but I knew I was fooling myself all too well. I knew that any moment, I can just break down and cry.

I went outside of the emergency room trying to get some fresh air. I saw Jay-R and Yeyel, seated at a corner, looking glum and shocked as well. I decided to join them, Jay -R offered me his seat then stood beside me. Erdy decided to join us when he knew that I was outside. We were trying to talk about what happened, we were actually the "witnesses" to what had happened, when this guy, from out of nowhere, asked me if we were with the girl who committed suicide. Here is my recollection of how the conversation transpired:

Man: Kasama nyo ba iong nagsuicide?!?
Me: Sino ho nagsuicide?
Man: Iong babae?
Me: Sino ho?
Man: Iong babae sa emergency room.
Me: Hindi ho nagsuicide ion. Inatake ion. (sounding irritated)
Man: Ah hindi ba? Kala ko kase nag suicide eh.
Me: (turning to Erdy) Hindi nag suicide si Delaine noh! Hindi mag susuicide ion! Hindi nya magagawa ion!
Erdy: Oo nga, chaka bakit naman sha mag susuicide? Wala naman shang problema ah!
Me: (turning to the man) Kalalaking tao, napaka chismoso!

I honestly wanted to pound the man's face. @#$!@#$!@#$ Hindi magsusuicide si Delaine noh! Ang kakapal ng mukha nio! I decided to go back to the emergency room, but the sight was too much for me to bear. After like 20 - 30 minutes, Michele decided to go home and take care of some things. The rest were waiting for the pick - up from Holy Trinity. I had to say goodbye to them, but I really wanted to go to Holy Trinity. I bade them goodbye, I hugged Steph, and nodded at Kenneth, but when I turned to Tintin, my defenses broke. She turned to me and said, Wala ng Ate D si Kuykuy. I knew she was trying to hold back tears, I just couldn't take it anymore, I hugged her and cried silently. Kaya naten to Tin. Kakayanin naten to. Babalik ako Kame. Samahan ko lang si Michele umuwi.

Erdy drove home and we were all quiet in the car. When we arrived in our compound, Sam was already there, and my defenses nearly broke this time. I hugged him and told him what happened. His arms just told me that I need not worry, I'm here now. Things will be fine.

Although I know that things are going to be fine, I know for a fact that it's not going to be easy. I had to muster enough courage to actually look at the once-lively-house in front of our apartment. I still do not believe that I was able to experience this. It's really different when you just hear that someone you know died. But when you see the bad side of death, it's a totally, new, shocking experience for you. We decided to go back to Holy Trinity, and just stayed there until we knew of what was going to happen.

When I got home that morning, (we went home at around 4:30 am), I had to wait until the sun rose before I had to go to bed. I was tired, but I cant sleep. Everytime I would close my eyes, I would see Delaine, and how she was lying on the floor. What happened. I still cant believe that it happened. Right in front of me. So many questions. So many unanswered questions. So many realizations. So many what ifs.

Delaine,

Thanks for the friendship and the kindness. I will miss you. Salamat talaga sa lahat.




Eternal rest grant unto her O Lord,
And Let the Perpetual Light Shine Upon Her
May She Rest in Peace
Amen

Mary Delaine Ty Santos
March 1, 1980 - September 27, 2006

*** One September Night ***

September 27, 2006 -- It was a usual Wednesday, my day off. I thought of planning to clean my cabinet again, but my bed lured me to sleep. Woke up at around 11 am that day, Sam was playing basketball (his usual Wednesday basketball day). I was happy and relieved. Happy because I finally have the time to play with my babies. Relieved because I finally have a chance to stay at home and rest. As in REST. That week was gruelling because I worked for extended hours after my shift just to help out with recruitment. But the good thing is... I get paid for doing that.

Sam left for the office at past 12. Sajie was at his grandparent's house, playing. Only Ate Josie (our yaya), Nicko and me were at home. I went downstairs to eat at around 12 noon. I noticed the door of the apartment in front of us was closed. I figured, maybe they are still sleeping.

*** Flashback: We moved into our apartment, March of last year. We became friends with the girls who were living infront of our house. They were 5 siblings, Kenneth, Stephanie, Kristine, Delaine and Michele.But only the girls were staying in the apartment. Their Kuya Kenneth, was staying in their aunt's house in BF Homes, another village in Parañaque. Their mom is working and is staying Japan, and their mom comes home, every year. All of them including Kenneth, became so much fond of Nicko. Nicko became their "baby" and all of them took turns in taking care of our dear "Kuykuy".

The youngest, Michele, became Nicko's grandmother. Since Ate Josie was always left at home to take care of the kids, she became close to them, and sometimes, they would even help out in taking care of the kids. I, on the other hand became close to Delaine and Tintin. Delaine, was my age, she was 7 months older than me. And ever since she resigned from her work last year, she just stayed in their house. Only going out to get Nicko or play or talk to Nicko I remember, one night in November last year, we stayed talking until 5 in the morning We didn't even know what time that was, we just found out that it was already 5 when Sam came out and told me that it was already 5 in the morning. I wasn't able to go to work that day. :D

The sisters were a big help to us especially when Ate Josie went home to Bohol last January, Delaine would often get Nicko in the morning before I go to work, and they will take care of them until we arrive from work. Their patience and dedication in taking care of Nicko and Sajie is always, always appreciated. And we really, really thank them so much for their kindness and for their friendship.

Going back, since I had been busy with recruitment stuff, I haven't seen Delaine in I guess, two weeks. We would just forward quotes to each other. She would always text me in the morning, and would send me messages regarding friendship, love, and sex. Hehehehe....

That day, instead of doing my normal nap in the afternoon, I didn't sleep. I was just playing with Nicko in our bedroom. It's a normal day, I guess. I went downstairs to have my merienda at around 4pm. This time, I noticed that the door is already open. The screen was locked, as usual, but the door was open. I found out from Ate Josie, that Delaine just came back from meeting her mom's friend.

Anyway, the hours passed, Milenyo was already making it's way towards Manila. We can already feel the gusty winds and the rain has started to pour, Sajie was already home, Ate was cooking dinner, and I was taking care of ths kids. Nicko was sleepy already, so I decided to put him to sleep. Apparently, it was still early, and Steph came home at around 7:45 pm, Nicko heard her voice, I decided to go down and give Nicko to Steph, and watched Deal or No Deal with Sajie. 15 minutes has passed, Delaine was still not opening the door. Seems odd. I figured. But I guess she's just asleep. There were no lights in their bedroom. Maybe she is sleeping. I got the bubble gun that I bought for Sajie and started playing with it. We went outside and played with is as well. 30 minutes has passed, Delaine was still not opening the door. Steph decided to call their landline. I got my cell phone, called her phone and their land line. No answer. No movement whatsoever. I was thinking, maybe there is something wrong. But since Steph was just calm, I decided to shrug it off. Michele arrived at around 8:15 pm, Ate got the pile of chairs and got the long metal that we used to hang our clothes and tapped the aircon, and their bedroom window. Nothing. No answer. No movement. They were saying that she was sleeping. After like 20 minutes since Michele arrived, (an hour after Steph came home) I told them that maybe we should wreck the screen door already because they can't go in as Delaine was not answering. I got my tools. The one that I use to make beads and bracelets, and carefully wrecked the screen door, just enough to reach the lock. When I stood at their door, my hands began to shake, and I was sensing that something was very, very, very wrong. I decided not to tell them about what I was feeling. But this time, I knew for a fact that something is terribly wrong. The radio was playing, Delaine wasnt answering. Did something bad happened to her? These were all what I was thinking when I was wrecking the door. After 10 minutes, we were able to open the door. I left our door partially open as I headed for the comfort room to take a bath. I was waiting for something.
As I was about to enter our bathroom, I heard them shout, Michele came out of their house, crying and was hysterical. My fear had turned into a reality. I immediately went into the house, went upstairs and saw Steph and Delaine. Delaine was on the floor. (With all due respect, I choose not to elaborate what I really saw.) And from what I saw, she was lifeless. Read that. LIFELESS.

I rushed downstairs, grabbed the phone, and went outside, trying hard to think of who to call. What is the number of the hospital? The ambulance? My brain was too fried to think. I was sooo shocked. Our neighbors came rushing. Steph was still with Delaine, Michele was in hysteria. People were asking me what to do. I dont know! I shouted that the kids should not be allowed to come out. For fear of trauma. At that point, I just wish that my mind was functioning. We needed help. We needed an ambulance. We need to bring Delaine to the hospital. I rushed to the guard in our subdivision, and asked them to contact an ambulance. We have to have a car so we can bring her to the hospital. How fortunate was it, that during that time, there were no cars available!!! Good thing, the husband of Ate Rosie, was home, and we just decided to use their car eventhough it was just a Kia. Papa Jun and Kuya Jay -R were asking me what to do. Papa Jun told me that they are going to bring Delaine down already. They brought her down. And I knew that she is already lifeless. She was stiff and cold and her color has already drained from her body. They placed her in the car, but since she is kinda tall, she wouldn't fit the Kia Pride. She was longer than the car. We cant bend her joints. (Everytime I close my eyes, I remember the way that she looked like... it will take a long, long time before I will ever forget this.)

I tried calling Tin-tin. They were trying to figure how to bring her to the hospital. After like 20 minutes, the ambulance came, we were able to contact their other sister, Tin-tin. I had to tell her what happened. To my surprise, she was so calm. They just left, which left me with Michele and their house to look after. Michele was crying, I was in total shock. TOTAL SHOCK. No words can describe what I was feeling that time. I felt tired. I wanted to cry, but tears were not coming out. I wanted to shout and be relieved from what ever I was feeling. I knew it was going to be a long night. And it was. IT WAS. *** to be continued... ***

*** Waaaahhhhh ***

I just wanna shout. I dont think I will get used to this immediately. It will take some time getting used to. It will take some time getting used to see another girl in Carmen's old post. Tsk. Tsk. For almost three years, I was used to seeing the girl with the glasses. Now, there's another girl sitting there. I wonder how the other guys will react to this. Well, whatever. This is just my opinion.

Whew! Wish I will also have the strength to say goodbye to the Ionic Breezes. Yeah, I know I will. And I hope it will be sooner rather than later.

*** Quote for the Day ***

"Bless you for your patience..."
- Customer to me

*** Hahahaha.... Like as if....

*** Missing Sourgirl ***

Dear Carmen, (Sourgirl)

Hi! Im sorry I wasnt able to to stay longer on Sunday. It just passed my mind that it was your last day in the office, and with the state that I am in the last two weeks, I wasn't thinking straight. Well, guess I really wasn't.

The floor will never be the same without you. My lunch and CR breaks will never, ever be the same because my lunch buddy, CR mate, officemate, gerbax mate and friend left me here in this freezing office. (Whatever you wanna call it). :C

Though I am happy for you cuz I know this is what you really want. I have always thought that I will be the first one to say goodbye to the Ionic Breezes. Boy am I wrong. I never expected you'd resign this early. Cross that out. Make that this immediate.

Baklang to! Hindi ko talaga inieexpect na magreresign ka na at inunahan mo pa ako! :C Bakit naman ganon?
Bakit naman? Hehehehe....

Hanggang ngayon kase hindi pa nagsisink sa ken lahat ng mga nangyari. Feeling ko nga kelangan ko ng psychologist na to help me cope up sa lahat ng 'stessors' ko the last week. Isama mo na iong bagyo, iong brownout, iong pagkwala ng tubig non bagyo, iong pagreresign mo.... chaka iong pinakamatinding nangyari sa ken

But anyhow, I am really, really happy for you. I know I'll see you again... We can still go out and see each other pa naman...

And like what I told you...

You're in my life for a reason, thus I welcome you into my heart with open arms. Thanks for the gift of your friendship. It's not how short or long you stay. The point is.... You came.

Thanks for the friendship Mheng. Good luck on your new job. You always take care of yourself. And time and time again, I will text you and ask if you're pregnant. :D

Basta Bakla, I will miss you. Sobra.

Lovelots,

Nela (Buchokoy)

*** Einstein's Riddle ***

*** A mind boggler for all my readers out there :D ... Let's see if you can figure this out. ***

CLUES:

1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.
2. In each house, lives a person with a different nationality.
3. 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage.
4. They smoke a certain brand of cigar.
5. They keep a certain pet.
6. No owners have the same pet.
7. No owners smoke the same brand of cigar.
8. No owners drink the same beverage.

QUESTION: ***** WHO OWNS THE FISH?!? *****

FACTS:

* The Brit is in the red house.

* The Swede keeps a dog.

* The Dane drinks tea.

* The green house is on the left of the white house.

* The owner of the green house drinks coffee.

* The person who smokes Poll Moll rears birds.

* The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.

* The man living in the center house drinks milk.

* The Norwegian lives in the first house.

* The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.

* The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.

* The owner who smokes Bluemaster drinks beer.

* The German smokes Prince.

* The Norwegian lives next to the Blue house.

* The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

*** :( ***

Ewan ko, hindi ko alam. Bakit ba ako ganito? Ano bang problema ko? OA na ba ako? Ewan ko... hindi ko talaga alam eh. Im trying hard na maging normal ako,pero alam mo ion? Ion feeling na pinipilit mong maging ok pero alam mo naman na hindi ka talaga ok eh. Na somehow, pinipilit mong umarte na wala ka talagang nararamdaman, pero ang totoo, iba - iba na iong emotion na nasa loob mo. Na sa dame eh, hindi mo na alam kung ano iong totoo mong nararamdaman kase halo-halo na eh.

Ang hirap kase eh. Ewan ko. Ang dameng nangyari the last days. Isama mo na iang bagyo at ian napakahabang brown out! Jusko. Parusa talaga. Bakit kung kelan kelangan na kelangan ko ng ilaw eh chaka nawala? Bakit kung kelan nanginginig ako sa takot eh chaka naman nagkanito ang panahon. Pasensha na, alam kong hindi nio naiintindihan. Gusto ko man sabihen talaga kung ano iong nangyari, eh nahihirapan po talaga akong isulat ion. Gusto ko man ilabas iong nararamdaman ko, eh ang hirap - hirap talaga. Hindi ako normal. Hindi ito tama. At sinusubkan ko naman talaga iovercome, pero ang hirap. Hindi ko makakalimutan ion.

Sabe ng isang kaibigan ko, mukhang natrauma talaga ako. Sabe ng mommy ko, it will take time getting used to. Sabe ni Sam, kelangan ko lakasan ko iong loob ko.

Alam ko naman lahat ion eh. Alam ko ion. Pero iba kase. Iba talaga. Ang hirap talaga. Hindi pa nga nagsisink in sa ken eh. Hindi ako comfortable. Hindi ako maayos. Wala ako sa ayos. Pero sinusubukan kong umayos. Pag nagkaron na talaga ako ng lakas ng loob, in time, isusulat ko ren ion. Kung bakit ako nagkaganito.

*** Kung OK Lang Sa Yo ***

Kung OK Lang Sa Yo

by: True Faith

Di malaman kung ano ang gagawin,

Sa damdamin na 'di ko maamin

Sa sarili

Kung bakit ka pa ba nandiyan

Sabi-sabi ng mga kaibigan ko

Huwag mong pilitin ang 'di para sa 'yo

Ngunit bakit hindi kita malimutan

Sa 'yo ba'y OK lang

*

Habang tumatagal, lumalala, laging nagwawala

Tumitindi, umiinit, sumasakit ang dibdib

Kaya ako'y gumawa ng awiting ito na alay ko sa 'yo

At sana'y pakinggan mo

Huwag ka sanang magugulat sa akin

'Di ako sanay sa ganitong suliranin

Huwag kang matakot hindi ako manloloko

Kung OK lang sa 'yo

*

Ngayong alam mo na, sana'y 'di ka mainis

At pasensya na kung ako ay makulit

Pero kung gusto mo, ako na lang ang lalayo

Kung OK lang sa 'yo

*/*

Kung OK lang sa 'yo

*** Random Thoughts 09.30.06 ***

I was supposed to write about something else, but right now, everything is just too fresh for me. I've had 2 long days, and I just cant find the right words. I dont even know how to begin. I tried putting it into writing. Hindi ko talaga kaya. Ang hirap. Ang bigat. Sooner or later, I will have the courage to write about it. And when that time comes, I hope I'm back to my normal self. Basta, ang hirap talaga.

*********

The typhoon was so strong. As in. Its a good thing, it hit Thursday, and that was my day off. There was no lights, and no water. Gosh! We still dont have any electricity, and it has been two days! Ever since I lived in Parañaque, this is the longest black out ever!

*********

My birthday is 4 days away.... I dont think I can celebrate it the way that I want to. I will explain myself when I have the courage to write about what happened already.

*********

Haayyy.... Sana magkailaw at magkatubig na.

*********

Sana maging normal na ang lahat.

*** A bunch of $@#!@$@ ***

I am soooooo in a bad mood today. And I thought I'll be fine, but I am not. I just dont understand how some people can be such a pain in the @$$! Really! Grrr.... How some people do not even listen and how some people think that what they know is always right! They refuse to accept corrections! They refuse to accept resolutions! Grrrr! Grrr !

*** Random Thoughts Today ***

*********

I feel so lazy and tired today... Last night I wasn't able to sleep early because I watched TV, I found it so difficult to actually wake up today. My eyes are getting heavier and heavier by the minute and I am having a hard time preventing my eyes from closing.

*********

Will not do call outs today. I wanna rest as well. Miss the kids so much, dont have much time for them because of the call outs. Will make it up to them today. Hooray!!!

*********

Sam is gonna pick me up today. Im just so tired and lazy.

*********

Its raining cats and dogs today. I guess the weather is also going along with my mood. Its 2:30 pm, yet it seems that it's 6:00 because of the dark skies. At least, tonight will be a little cooler. Whatever. Nonesense.

*********

I am pigging out today.

*********

Payday is like 6 days away. Sheeeeeessssshhhhh!

*********

I want to go to Panglao! I want to go to the beach on my birthday! 2 weeks and a half before my birthday! Cant belive that I am that old already! Nyahahahahahaha!

*********

Will go wall climbing with my friends... still dont know when...

*********

Badly needs to clean my room and my cabinet. Grabeeeh! Kulang na lang spiders in my closet sa sobrang gulo! Goodness! Cant find the things that I need! Am gulo kase eh! Sobra!

*********

Lalim ng blog ni Sourgirl. Wala ako masabe. Parang hindi halata na may pinapatamaan ren eh.

*********

Need to finish the pattern that I am doing!

*********

Need to go to Divisioria ASAP! Hopefully before the Christmas rush!

*********

Am considering to go to this year's Christmas party. Who knows, this may be my last year in this office. By next year, hopefully, I am out there somewhere with real snow already! Nyahahahahaha.... *My lips are sealed*

*********

Ano kaya ang magandang gift sa mga friends ko dito sa office? Isip...isip...

*********

Si cd_cortez is resigning come October *sigh* Wala na naman ako makukulit! *sigh*

*********

AYAKO NA TALAGA MAG CALLS! GUSTO KO NG EMAILS! PAGING PAGING SUP! PAKIBASA LANG PO!

*********

*** Call Center Work ***

Since Sunday, I have been helping the recruitment department in doing the phone screening for prospective applicants. Yeah, well, they have this incentive program at work in where if you volunteer at least 2 - 4 hours / day, you get paid. Of course, I have to take advantage of this as I will not be getting my monthly bonus for September because of that f@#$@$# store manager (that's a completely different story), Well anyway, since Sunday, I have been extending 4 hours on top of my regular shift to call applicants, and schedule them for an exam. It's easier to talk to them, than to talk to customers who dont know how to listen, and each of them has their own story and why they need to work.

Some of them are downright awful, (Im sorry, but I guess that's the best word to describe) some of them are brainy. Some of them are confident, the others are not. Some do not know what their saying, others are exaggerating, and some are really trying so hard. I average at around 70++ calls per day, and honestly, out of the 70 calls (including the no contact's and the bad numbers), I qualify 4 - 5 at the most. There was a day that I wasn't able to qualify a single person.

Not that my standards are high. It's just I'm following the standards that were set by the recruitment department. For me, if you can speak in English and has confidence, I will qualify you, no questions asked. But then again, if you cant even understand what I am saying, better that you find another job.

That's why I'm thinking, why is it that there are some people that look down on the people that are working in a call center? I know of some who degrades people working in this industry. I just ask them, why?

People who work in a call center sacrifice good sleep and normal body clocks and family time just to have food on their table. I was doing this screening, and it made me realize that it is really, really hard to get a job in a call center. (not just our call center, but other call centers as well) It takes more than speaking English. You have to have good grammar, good pronunciation and brains to pass. I'm not saying that I am a perfect English speaker, soplak din ako paminsan - minsan. But then again, I have been working in a call center for 3 years already, so I know I'm not that bad either.

I just dont understand it. Bakit kaya ang baba ng tingin nila sa mga call center agents? Hubby and I are both working in a call center, and because of this, we can pay the house rent, the yaya, the bills. We can buy what we need, and we still have a little extra to actually take the kids to Jollibee or Mc Donalds every once in a while. In short, we're comfortable. Although, not really that well off, we're alright I guess.

But I have to admit. May iba talaga na sobra ren naman kase. Iong tipong kahit wala na sa trabaho eh sobrang yabang ng magsalita.... ion bang tipong sa jeep or sa tricyle eh hala, sige English lang ng English! Kahit mali - mali na at wala ng sense iong sinasabe eh salita pa ren ng salita! May mga taong ganon. Mayayabang, mahahangin... pero hindi naman lahat eh.

Ion nga ang sinasabe ko. Lahat naman kase tayo pinaghihirapan ang work naten. So sana, wag naman mag maliit ng mga tao na nagtratrabaho sa call center. Each person working in a call center has his own story, own struggle to overcome, and own goals to acheive. Eh come to think of it, (I'm not bragging), minsan mas mataas pa nga ang sweldo namen sa iba eh. Pero pare-pareho naman tayong naghihirap para sa mga sweldo naten. Others may find it easy to just sit in front of the computer and to talk all night long. Uyyy... hindi madali ion ah! Hindi madali na may suot kang headset buong gabe (Masakit ion sa tenga) at mas lalong hindi madali iong maligo ka sa mura at sigaw ng mga customers noh. Siguro nga, we really dont use our brains that much, (but I guess that depends on what you are doing ren...) but then again, pinaghihirapan ren naman namen lahat ng meron kame eh.

*** I did it already!!! ***

*wink*wink* Yahoo!!! I did it already!!! Yesterday, went to glorietta with hubby, and we went to his favorite store (it's turning out to be my favorite store as well :D), Tobys. I am looking for a new pair of rubber shoes ( I need it badly!), but I wasn't able to find one that I want. There was a mini sports tournament that was going on, and getting bored (as I always am!), I saw the wall climbing area... I dared myself to try that, since I have been wanting to do that for the longest time, and at long last, I finally had the courage to try it! Nyahahahaha....At first I thought, it was, yah know, easy... the first path that I tried was fairly easy, the rocks were positioned next to each other and it wasn't that high. I finished it in no time at all, with no sweat! :D Even the second path was easier than the first path. But the third path was so high (I was thinking it was as high as our apartment) and the rocks were apart. The instructor told me to try this path, and I knew this is where the challenge will come in. There were even some badminton players watching me, and yah know, giving me the moral support. :D :D :D...

I climbed, and at around 5 feet, it was pretty easy, but my arms were already failing me, and my grip was not that strong anymore. Even so, I still wanted to prove to myself that I know I can climb the top of the wall. There were a few times that I struggled halfway through the wall, and there was a time when I honestly thought I was about to fall, but then again, I steadily regained my balance, when I was three fourths up, I really thought I could not do it at all. I was shouting "Ayako na! Hindi ko na kaya" But the folks down, which includes the instructor, hubby and the badminton player were saying "Kaya mo ian!" Then I said, "O sige na nga, eh di kaya ko". The instructor told me to hold on to whatever I can grasp, since I was a first timer, that was allowed. I grabbed onto the railing and held onto it while I reach for the rock. And I became so ecstatic as I reached for the top. :D When I reached the top... I felt like I have already reached the top of a mountain.... Okay, so I am exagerating a little. Hehehehe... To be honest, when I reached the top I didn't even know what to do. Hehehe... I called the instructor and he told me to get ready to go down and to rapell, like what they do in the movies... I did that, and I enjoyed it so much... To go up was so hard, but to go down was the best! Honey was even teasing me that I enjoyed it to much that even if the instructor wasn't ready yet, I wanted to go down already. :D

When I went down, the badminton player who was watching me congratulated me for a job well done. He even said "Kaya mo naman pala eh! See? Malay mo ikaw ang first ever Filipina to climb Mout Everest. Good Job! Congartulations!" We were laughing as he was saying this, but then again, I was proud. At least, for a first timer, I guess I did well. It's just that my arms were failing me already, and they were also loosing their strength. Honey told me not to go up anymore, because I cant already, I tried, but my grip started slipping, and I thought it was just better to rest it off and do it again the next time. I really enjoyed that experience and I am planning to go back and do it again. Maybe we can do it at Rockwell, and maybe I can talk honey into doing it as well. :D

*** My Wedding Day ***

If it would have pushed through... today should've have been our wedding day. :C We initially planned to wed on September 9, 2005, but we moved it to December 9, then we moved it to September 9. :C

Honestly, I feel bad that it didn't push through. Honestly, we were I guess, half way the preparations, we know the theme that we want, we know who will consist of the entourage, you know, we have already started with the preparations, the guest list, etc. We even have a photographer already. But I guess, God has his own plans.

All day, I have been thinking about the events that should've have been happening today. :C It sucks, but I guess, in God's own good time, the marriage between me and Sam will eventually push through.

*** 11 Painful Things... ***

11. Bringing back the feeling you have learned to forget

10. Reminscing the good times

09. Trying to hide what you really feel

08. Loving someone who loves another

07. Having a committment with someone that you know wouldn't last

06. Sheilding your heart to love somebody

05. Loving a person too much

04. Right love at the wrong time

03. Taking the risk to fall in love again

02. Accepting that it was never meant to be

01. What if?!?

*** Quotes for the Day ***

I learned to love someone with all my life...
But there came a point where I got tired not of loving, but of sacrifing all that I have...
Then a thought came to my mind...
I have given everything but have received nothing but pain and tears in return,
Is this enough to prove that I really love that person?
Or is it a sign telling me to stop sacrificing and learn to love myself a little more?

"Never let go of anyone that you couldn't go a day without thinking about...
There just might be a very good reason why this person is always on your mind...
Sometimes, it's the brain that knows too well, what the heart tries so hard to deny..."

*** Happy Birthday Daddy ***

Today is my daddy's birthday! :D When I was still kid I remember celebreating my dad's birthday by waking up early and preparing the gift that we hid under the sofa. Mommy will then wake my dad up, and I will just literally throw myself up on him and give the gift. God... I miss those days. I really do. And those memories are kept forever in a special place in my heart.

I remember the last birthday that my daddy celebrated with us. All of the his side of the family were there. For the first time, we were complete, all aunts and uncles, cousins and grandchildren were swarming our big house. :D Everybody was busy, everybody was chatting and there was laughing everywhere. Both sides of the family were present and happy. Neither of us knew that a month after happy day, we will all be together for the burial of daddy.

I remember him eating lechon with my aunt. He was wearing a blue - striped shirt. (I used to keep it, but through out the years, and all the moving, I have lost it ), and white jogging pants. He was paralyzed from the stroke that he had 5 years earlier, but showed a lot of progress. My dad was a fighter. He always was. At a very young age, he went to the United States alone to give his family a good life. He met an English girl, got married and had a son, my Kuya Junior. Unfortunately, Aunt Teddy (his first wife) died, and three years before I was born, Kuya Junior also died. (He went diving and never had the chance to go up again - his body was declared missing and was proclaimed dead in 1980).

My dad decided to go back to the Philippines, and met my mom in 1977. They had me in 1980. I had him until that fateful day in October , 1992. Some 14 years ago.

You know there are times that I wish my dad would have still been alive today. I know that he will be very proud of my sons. I know he'd become a grandpa spoiler, and would spoil my children to death. Hehehe...But that's just the way that he is.

I remember every morning that we are together in our backyard waiting for my school bus to come. He would talk to me, and play with our Tuffy and Sweety, whom he fondly calls Pal. I remember him calling me LL for Little Love, the way that he would tell me stories about his life in the states, I miss all of that. I miss him so much.

Dearest Daddy,

I miss you so much. I wish you're here right now to help me go through all of these things. I know that somehow, I have disappointed you, and I know that I have hurt you in a lot of ways. But really, I am trying to be the best person that I can be. I find it so hard to stand up on my own, yet and still, I am trying. Its hard and there are times that I feel like giving up already, but I cant. In some ways, I wanna be like you and do the things that you did. I want to pursue my own goal of going to the United States, to live there, to work there just like you. I want to walk the streets that you walked on, and I want to see your old house in San Francisco. I want you to be proud of me. And I know that I cant do this alone, I need you and mom to help me focus on my goals, and achieve my dreams.

Things are really gonna be a lot different if you're still here now. But then again, I have my two precious ones now. Hayyy... if you can see them, I know you will be very proud of them. Sajie sometimes looks like you, and is smart as you. He's turning 4 next year, and will soon start studying. Nicko is turning 2 this December, and sometimes, I also see you in him. I named him after you by the way... :D He's like his Kuya, only he's more quiet. I wish you can see them and hear them call you Lolo. Sajie asks about you a lot... he asks if you're in heaven and you have lots of candy... hehehe...

I want you to meet Sam. How I know you will approve of his attitude, and how you will say our personalities are totally the opposites! I want to you to talk to him to tell him what I want. To give him the strenght and the courage to pursue his own goals. I want you to tell him to not be afraid to pursue his dreams. I know, you will really, really like him. :D

I want you to talk to mommy.... I want you to touch her heart... Tell her that even if I already have my own family, I still need her. I still need a mom. I want you to tell her that even if most of the times I'm stubborn, I still need her guidance and her support.

Daddy, I still wish your here. I want you to help me find my place in this world. I want you to tell me what to do. I f I can ask God to allow to you to talk to me just for the last time, I will do that. I want to see you. I want to hug you. I want to tell you how much I miss you, and how much I love you. And the one thing that I would really want is for you and mom to be proud of me. To tell me, that even if I did some things that were not right, I was able to go through it. Just like you. Help me daddy, please.

I love you Daddy.... Happy, happy birthday!

Love,

LL, Sam, Sajie and Nicko

*** Reflection ***

REFLECTIONS

By:Christina Aguilera

Look at me,

You may think you see

Who I really am

But you'll never know me

Everyday, it's as if I play a part

Now I see

If I wear a mask

I can fool the world

But I cannot fool my heart

* Who is the girl I see?

Staring straight back at me?

When will my reflection show?

Who I am inside?

I am now

In a world where

I have to hide my heart

And what I believe in

But somehow

I will show the world

What's inside my heart

And be loved for who I am (*)

** Must I pretend that I'm

Someone else for all time

When will my reflection show

Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be free to fly

That burns with a needto know the reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think

How we feel

Must there be a secret me

I'm forced to hide

I wont pretend that I'm

Someone else for all time

When will my reflections show

Who I am inside?

*** Panglao Dream ***

I have always wanted to go to Panglao Island, Bohol. It has been my ultimate dream, and hopefully I can live that dream this year. I want to go to Panglao in time for my birthday (or probably after!), it doesnt really matter...for as long as I can go there this year. Yehey!

I was browsing Philippine Air Line's website, and they have a great deal on a 4day, 3 night vacation in Panglao. It's worth it and everythings included already, including airfare (roundtrip), hotel transfers, 4days, 3 nights stay at Alona Tropical Beach Resort, Breakfast (Lunch and Dinner not included), scenic tour of tagbilaran city (including fees and car rental).... and to sum it up, it will only cost around 6 thousand pesos. (Of course, you will still have to allot money for your pasalubongs, souvenirs and lunch, merienda and dinner), but then again, mura na! :D

Haaay, I really hope I can go to Panglao on my birthmonth. :D

*** Labor with Love... Samuel Jonathan.... ***

On the morning of April 12, 2003. Mom, as usual, was making a fuss about my messy room. The only difference was that I was 9 months pregnant that time, and was too lazy to go out and do my usual morning walk. I was staying in Laguna (where we have a house) for the last month a half. Well, I didn't really mind it at first, but my mother's voice irritated the hell out of me. I felt more depressed and just went inside my room to cross stitch.

At 10 am, I started to feel weird contractions. I had also noticed that I was beginning to feel pain in my lower abdomen. I didn't really mind it at first. I just had my check up on April 2, and the doctor told me that my due date will be on April 26, or even May. I was even scheduled to have another check up on the 15th. This will be my last check up before I give birth.

I went back to my cross stitch, Sam just left the night before, after staying for 3 days with me. So I was feeling happy. But going back to my tummy ache...It was becoming unbearable already. I also noticed that the contractions were becoming more frequent. I didn't mind it though, pretending that I wasn't feeling anything. I still continued with my cross stitch, and when I got bored, I tried taking a nap. However, the pain was awakening me. I was also having cold sweat already. I decided to go to the bathroom, but it just wouldn't come out. I went back to my bed, tried to sleep again, but I just can't anymore.

Mommy still unaware of what was happening to me, called me to have lunch. I know I was hungry, but I was too weak to eat (which is weird of me, considering how big my appetite can be), and just went back to the bathroom. My undies already had blood so that was the time that I texted my Aunt who is a nurse, and asked why is there blood, and why my lower abdomen is aching. She told me that I was already in labor and to tell my mom already.

I went of my bedroom, told my mom that I was already in labor. She was just about tohave her toe nails done when I told her. You can just imagine her shock. She started panicking, like I expected she would, called my Aunt and Uncle who live next door and my step dad who was in the kitchen. She asked my uncle to prepare the ride and she went to her room, got all the bedsheets and pillow cases and blanket and got the baby bag. (which has been prepared since March, I think), she even raced me to the bathroom, and took a bath first. My aunt told her to bathe me, but she just didn't listen. She even told us that she will still put on make up... (I still cant forget that moment.. that was so funny). So it was Aunt who bathed me and help me dress up.

We arrived at the hospital around 2pm, where the nurse wheeled me in my room. She asked me if I can still walk, and that I should try to so that it wont be harder (I was gonna deliver via Normal Delivery - and if its a normal delivery - walking can help a lot). I tried walking, but after like 10 minutes, I can't take it anymore. I told my Aunt and my Ate that I would just want to lie down because I cant take the pain anymore. We already texted and called Sam, so we knew he was gonna be there already.

At 4pm, the OB IE'd me, and she said that I was already 4cms dilated. She said, it would still take a long time before the baby comes out. I got scared and panicked because I don't have any intentions of having like long hours of labor. I talked to my baby, told him to come out already because I dont think I can bear the pain anymore. I didn't even realize that the sun had already set. At 6pm, the nurse IE'd me again, and told my Aunt and Ate (cousin) that I was 9cms dilated already. The she said in "Malapit na sha. Paki tawag kame pag pumutok na iong water bag nia".... Sam was still not in the hospital. He was texting my mom, and he was stuck in traffic somewhere in Sto. Tomas, Batangas.

FYI: My mom was not the one by my side, because she is so duwag when she sees me in pain. It was my step dad who was by my side, my Aunt and my Ate Lerma. My mom went home to get some stuff because they all thought I was gonna give birth later in the night pa.

At 6:20 pm, my water bag broke, my aunt immediately called the nurse, and they wheeled me to the delivery room. When I was about to transfer to the delivery bed, I felt that the baby was about to come out already. I told my doctor, na lalabas na yata sha. True enough, the baby was crowning already. The doctor asked me to push to have bwelo, I pushed and I felt the baby coming out already. It was that fast., She again asked me to push and after the second push, and with the help of the nurses assisting me, the baby came out with a shy cry. They all said na kamukha mo. In my mind, I said patay! Then they put the baby on top of my tummy and had his face to me. I said,, naku lagot pango! They all laughed. That was 6:40 pm. At 6:50, the placenta also came out too. I was wide awake when started to stitch me up, and I swear I had no anesthesia, no nothing, I can really feel that they stitching me up already. Hehehehe...

At 7:30, almost an hour after I was wheeled in the delivery room, I went of that room and was being wheeled to my room. When I came out, I saw my mom, my step dad, my Aunt, my Uncle, my Ate, and Sam waiting for me. When I came out, I was already smiling, and it was Sam who first came to my side to hold my hand. He asked me if I was okay, I told him, yeah but I'm tired. But tired as I was, I wasnt able to go to sleep that night. Everytime I go to sleep, or just everytime that I close my eyes, I see the vision of my baby Sajie when hegot out of me. :D

At around 10pm, the nurse brought the baby to my room. Oh my gosh! I felt like I was about to cry. He looks like me! Sobra! :D But he has Sam's curly hair, Sam's small face and ears and he has a cupid - shaped mouth. He has my eyes and unfortunately, my nose. :D He looked so small, so fragile and so angelic.... Hahahaha... (After three years, talk about being angelic! ) He has covered with hair, and he has a red birthmark on his forehead.

I have never believed in love at first sight until I gave birth to my first born. I know that there will be tough times ahead, but I know that I can get through it with my son as my inspiration. I love you my Sajie!

*** I Miss Kuya Sajie Bajie ***

I miss you Kuya Sajie Bajie Kulet.... Lil Nicko Bicko is looking for you as well... And daddy too.... Hay... our house is so quiet when you're not there... Uwi ka na... Miss you Baby Sajie.... Love you... Mwah!

*** -_-_-_-_-_-_- ***

I cant think of any title for my entry today. Ewan ko, I just don't feel like giving it a title ren kase. Well, ewan ko, I can't get it out of my system, pero dapat wala na to. I just can't help but react to all of what happened.

First, you should have never played with us. The first time you left, yeah, we were feeling all sad about it kase alam mo ion, iba iong naging bonding naten. Sobrang close, tas ang saya kase nga kakatapos lang ng outing. Ang saya talaga non, Talagang sinusulit naten each time kase hindi pa naman namen alam na ganyan ka pala, or at least, hindi ko pa narerealize na ganyan pala ang ugali mo. Oo, alam mo ion, akala ko talaga, you were okay, you were fine... pero jusko., jack - ass in the making ka pala! At alam mo kung bakit ko sinasabe to, diba?

Second, sobra kang mag - inarte, natalo mo pa ang babae! Alam mo ion, kapag yinayaya ka for a gimik, or if we are gonna have like dinners together, sa ten lahat, ikaw ang pinaka mahirap yayain. Ang dameng rason! Ang dameng excuses, pero in the end, sha pala ang number 1 na go talaga! Pucha! Natalo pa talaga ang babae. Natalo mo pa ako as a matter of fact, kase sobrang arte mo! Tas, alam mo ion, nakakainis ka kase napaka feeling mo.

You were not the same person that we knew. Hindi ka naman ganyan dati eh. Maybe you let everything go into your head, kaya ka nagkaganyan, and instead of us enjoying your last days with you, we just evaded you like you got the plague or something.

Lesson to be learned: Don't let everything get into your head. Bloated na nga ang chanda romero mo, pati ba naman ang utak mo! Wag kang mashadong feeling. Masama talaga ion... tsk, tsk, tsk... and last but not the least, don't play with our emotions. May utak kame, and it's just good that we realized how bad of a person you really are. And remember what you asked me when I wasn't talking with you? Tama ka. That's how exactly what I feel for you.

Ewwww...

*** Facts Behind My Baby Sajie and Baby Nicko ***

LIL NICKO BICKO AND KUYA SAJIE BAJIE

FACTS ABOUT MY SAJIE:
Full Name: Samuel Jonathan Angel - Dolor
Birthday: April 12, 2003 Time: 6:50 pm Type: Normal
Birthplace: San Pablo City Hospital, San Pablo City, Laguna
Birthweight: 5.5lbs Birthlength: 41 cms

WHY SAMUEL JONATHAN:

SAMUEL - Origing: Hebrew: Meaning - "asked of God". Friendly, understanding, unselfish. Is full of original ideas which bring him success.

JONATHAN - Origin: Hebrew: Meaning " the Lord's gift". Severe, upright, unforgiving. Possesses a keen sense of duty. His affections are deep and long lived.

The reason behind the name:

It was in the summer of 1999 when I first saw Sam at the basketball court in our village. Honestly, I thought he was his brother so I didn't seem to mind. Take note: We still don't know each other. I just know them because my papa is in the basketball committee so I know the records and was sort of the messanger whenever the sports committee have their meetings...

I saw him frequently because he plays for the "Yellow" Team... we were still not formally introduced - so in short - I still see him from afar. One April night, as I went home after a basketball game, I kept thinking about his name. Sam... sounds 'bitin'.. don't you think? 'Ano kaya real nama niya'?

That night, I had a dream... siguro it was from my consciousness na ren. In my dream, Sam and I were happy and we were out somewhere. It seems like we have known each other for so long.. and that we were so comfortable with each other... I asked him what his real name is and he said 'SAMUEL JONATHAN'. So from that night... I honestly though that his real name is SAMUEL JONATHAN...I mentioned this to my friends.. They concluded that maybe this will be the name of my firstborn son. So from that day, I vowed that when the time comes that I will have a baby boy, I will name him Samuel Jonathan and that Sajie will be his nickname.

A year after, In the summer of 2000, still in the basketball court... Sam and I were formally introduced. Then I got to talk to him on the phone. I had the chance to ask him what his real name is.. He said 'Sam lang talaga ang real name ko...'.. Then I asked him 'Bakit JOJO ang tawag sa yo?'... He said.. 'Sam John kase ang totoong pangalan ko...'

Hmmm.... coincidence or destiny? What do you think?

FACTS ABOUT MY NICKO:
Full Name: Niccolai Joseph Angel - Dolor
Birthday: December 12, 2005 Time: 8:15 am Type: Normal
Birthplace: Immaculate Conception Hospital, San Pablo City, Laguna
Birthweight: 5.5lbs Birthlength: 48 cms

WHY NICCOLAI JOSEPH:

NICCOLAI - Origin: Slavic - Meaning: "Victorious People" Popular, amusing, hardworking, competent. Is inclined to be selfish and to worry unduly.

JOSEPH - Origin: Hebrew - Meaning: "addition". Another form is Joe. Honest, successful, simple. Lacks originality but remains placid and clear, thinking when others panic.

The reason behind the name:

I have always wanted the name Simon Joseph. So the name will also begin in S and J. Plus, this is also a combination of our father's name, english version. Simon will be from Sam's father, Simeon, while Joseph will be from my daddy, Jose. But I wasnt really sure if I was going to have another boy because I wanted so much to have a girl.

Insisting that my baby was a girl, we were going to give her the name 'Angela Franchesca', derived from my name. However, when I went to the doctor for my ultrasound, it turned out that I was having another baby boy!

That night, since we found out that it was already a boy, Sam and I were lying in bed thinking of a name. Sam started babbling names that were far from Simon. He said he wanted something different. Something that can be derived from my name. He started saying weird names and I just can't help but laugh. We didn't notice the time. It was already 1:30 in the morning when he blurted out 'Niccolai'. I thought it was weird, but there was a cute ring to it. Then my baby gave a kick when I asked him if he wanted the name Niccolai. Hence the name, Niccolai.

*** Lil Nicko Bicko is Sick ***

Our dear Lil Nicko Bicko is sick. You see the last couple of days, I was the one the wasn't feeling well. As my last entry says, my back aches like hell, etc, etc. However, yesterday, when I came home from work, I found my Lil Nicko sitting outside of the house, with a Kool Fever on his head (You know, those sticky, towellette type that you put on the forehead when you have a fever?) He was so quiet, and his big, round eyes were so sad. Awwww.... I immediately got him, and it is very obvious that he got it from me. Haaaay naku... that is so bad. I don't want to see my babies sick.

If I wasn't after the monthly bonus, I probably would have not gone to work. When I left for work this morning, he's still hot. Awwww.. I wish he'll be fine alreay. I'm not used to him being all quiet and sad.

*** I feel sick... ***

I don't feel good today. I feel really sick, my back aches like hell, my throat itches like crazy, I'm starting to cough... Haaayyy.. I don't know. I feel weird and sick at the same time. I know I'm gonna have a fever.. but I'd rather wish that it comes out already, because it's like stuck inside me. I feel tired and stressed out... not to mention that if the clogging in my nose will not clear up... eventually this will all lead to another asthma attack. (Haaay... the perks of having asthma!) I guess this is because of the weather. Here in the Philippines, we have a weird rainy season... there are some days that it is hot like hell, the sun shining like it's not gonna end... but at 3 pm, the same day I am describing, it would be raining as if there is no tomorrow....Hay naku, no wonder I feel like this. I get wet because I don't bring an umbrella... ( I will not explain myself... Just please don't ask why I don't bring one. I just dont. Period.)

I wish I will be okay tomorrow. Can't miss work because of my monthly bonus (sayang ren ion eh)... har! har!

*** Favorite Quotes ***

"... Day and Night are linked in a way that few things are...

There cannot be one without the other...yet they cannot exist at the same time...

How would it feel?

To be always together...

Yet forever apart?!?..."

"Kadalasan, nakakatakot magmahal...

Kasi, nakakatakot umasa...

Pero...

Diba, mas nakakatakot pag nalaman mo

na wala kang pag - asa sa taong mahal mo?

Pero pinapakita nya sa yong

mahalaga ka..."

"You are part of the puzzle of someone else's life...

You may never know where you fit

but others will fill the holes in their lives with you...

So if you run out of reasons to live...

Just remember...

That someone's elses life may never be complete without you..."

*** How To Become A Better Couple ***

10 Steps to Enjoy Each Other Better...

1. BE REALISTIC ABOUT EACH OTHER
Don't try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it guys... there's only one Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she had her implants removed! Give your gal a break! and understand that her physical appearance is not going to change over night with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt is already taken so you are gonna have to do what your guy is like. Chill out! Love each other for what you are. There is no more to your partner than what meets the eye.

2. ALWAYS TALK THINGS OUT
Now guys, I know this is not your favorite past time, or mode or resolving issues... but you know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what you're angry, hurt or even happy about. When you stop talking to each other from the heart... it's the beginning of the end.

3. DO STUFF TOGETHER
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities; something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand in hand. Watch soccer (or basketball) once in a while, though the green patch on TV puts you to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in of your gals asks for another day at window shopping, rather than suggest that she goes out with her girlfriends with that kind of activities instead. If you're spending more time with your friends than with your partner, it's a warning sign that you are drifting apart.

4. MEET EACH OTHER HALF WAY
If he agrees to throw out that rotten t-shirt with "The Rock" print, you shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks you to keep your room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet halfway.

5. SHOW YOUR LOVE
Buy her flowers, or candy or perfume every now and then, even if you have been together for years. It's wonderful to continue showing that you care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day Card, knit him mini socks that he can't wear (for decorative purposes only), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he / she knows that you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for a while.

6. RESPECT EACH OTHER
Stop making jokes about her hair or her skin, whatver it is you love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks it's funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse. Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other's feelings all the time.

7. BURY THE PAST
Stop bringing up the past. Don't bring up the happy things about you and your ex to your guy, it would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that you had with your ex, or mention about her in your every other sentence, as it would your gal feel unhappy and she might think that you're saying this because you're going back to your ex, and your not interested in her anymore.

8. SIT ON YOUR JEALOUSY
All of us go through spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity to jealousy. If you're going to go through your partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversation... you know that something is wrong... with you! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner... love has to have trust in it.

9. KEEP YOUR COMMITTMENTS TO EACH OTHER
If your partner is standing you up all the time, and cancelling dates and promises, you need to talk. If you're in a relationship, make your partner your priority and don't disappoint them if you can't help it. It's really terrible when someone promises you to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises that you can't keep. If your partner starts to feel that he / she is not that important to you, you may just lose him or her.

10. BE HONEST
Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has a biceps of a fly! When we say " be honest", we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When your hurt, say so, and when you're angry, tell your partner without getting hysterical. If you can't be honest with your partner, who can you be honest with? If love is also about honesty... then a relationship where honesty doesn't exists probably isn't worth it!

*** F-i-N-a-L-L-Y ***

Finally....

After the zombie - like comma I was in for the last couple of weeks.... I have snapped out of it!!!

Thanks to my friend, Carmen...she really helped me get back my sanity again...

*** Zombie - Like Coma ***

Since I got back from Batangas a week and a half ago, I fell into this zombie like coma. Not that I have not experienced this weird feeling - I had been like this before - many, many times. And knowing myself... the times that I had been like this were the most depressing / sad / stupid moments in my life

I hate what it does to me. Its like I shut out everybody in my life - not letting them in - and not letting them know what's going on with me. Not letting them understand why or how I feel like this. A rebellious phase I guess...

I dont have any explanation as to why I am like this. I cant figure it out. I just dont understand myself... I guess... I dont know... I really don't know...

*** Still is a Weird Day ***

When I was going all senti yesterday, I think today is much, much worse. Well yeah, whatever. My brains are fried, I don't think they are even functioning and apparently, all my neurons are not functioning the way they should.

This is another day.... It is still a weird day....

Yesterday, I thought I was over it.... I guess... Im half way over....

Tomorrow, I wish to start a new day... Come wednesday... I will be back to my old self... Hopefully....

Can't seem to enjoy work for a while.... I wonder why...

I just hate this day...

And I'm wishing it will end sooner...

*** Hulabaloos ***

It is such a weird day.

As much as I don't want to hate this day, I can't help but hate it.

Really, never can figure why life is just so damned ironic. It is. Haaaay. I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. Sheeeesh.

I am starting to hate myself. Really, hate it. I don't know. My confusion is pulling me down the drain. After the successful beach outing...now this. There are so many things that can happen in a week's time. I can't help it. I am rattled, puzzled...confused.

Damn it! Really.

I wish I can talk about this. But I can't.

Haaaaay...What a bummer! I really, really, really hate myself for allowing me to be like this.

*** A Sad Love Song ***

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME
By: Venice

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

*** Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart
And I will feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I will do what's right
Just give me til then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

***

*** Of Beaches, Otokos, Stargazing and Adobo ***

Kabayan Beach Resort
San Juan, Batangas
Bahay Dama de Noche
May 16 - May 17 2006
The Sharper Image (Batangas Team)



On Tuesday, May 16, 12 of my officemates / friends went to San Juan, Batangas to have a day at the beach. We left at around 6:45 pm. Traffic in Buendia was heavy, and it was almost 7:20pm when we got out of Buendia. Good thing, traffic in SLEX was not as hard as we expected it to be. But the ride was soooo long that i thought i was already delirious because i was seeing mountains when I wasnt supposed to see anything. (It was notably dark, and all i can are silhouettes of trees - but I swear to I really saw a mountain - and that was confirmed. (Yep mary, i told you I saw a mountain)

We arrived at around 10:45 pm, the cottage that we rented was big - it had two bedrooms w/ aircons - sala, veranda, kitchen - the only mistake that we made was that we rented a cottage with only one bathroom - and there are like 12 of us - so you know it takes forever to use the bathroom.

When we arrived at the resort, we so hungry, but later on we realized that we didn't have any rice, so Ace talked with the office, and we they were able to give us 2 kilos of rice. We had games, the we went to the shore, this was around 12:30 am, we started drinking and playing in the sand, when my friends wanted to take a dip in the water, so there we were taking a bath at 2:30 am. This was the first time that I have ever tried doing this -- and it was so much fun...
being silly and being myself :D

At around 4am, we started to pack up, went to the bathroom and took a bath. Most of my friends were sleeping, but Jasper, Mary and me didn't go to sleep at all.I figured, since we are only going to stay for just one night, might as well make the most out of it. So the three of us decided to go to the beach at sunrise, which was super cool. I enjoyed it terribly... we had to wake my friends up because they were missing out on a lot of things. We ended up having coffee, and by 8:00am we were waddling in the shore. I didn't stay long in the water, because there was a scratchy feeling to it.

All in all, it was a happy experience. We all deserved that time out from work, from everything. :D

It's so nice to reminisce and think of such happy thoughts... Hope it will happen again...

*** The Big Day***

Today is the Big Day!!! Sobra excited kame lahat. Shempre naman, we have planned for this for years and wala naman natutuloy. It's just sad that one of our dear officemates can't come because of a very personal reason. Of course, it doesnt help that some of our officemates will be unable to come too because of the schedules. But enihows, we were able to manage the schedules that we have...well of course, we have to admit that we had to twist a finger here and there.

Though i just wish that I am with my loveys. Haaaay... I miss my three boys na. :( Wish they were with me. (Bawi na lang ako sa kanila some other time)

But on the other hand, this will be the first time in years na magbebeach ako! Yippeee! The last was I think in 1996 or 1997. Haaaay. Pathetic.

It's just sad kase mejo mali iong timing. Katatapos lang ng typhoon and Batangas was badly hit by Caloy. One of my friends who went there last night wasnt able to go swimming in the beach and the pool kase there was no water in the pool and the the beach was dirty daw (kase nga katatapos lang ng typhoon). Good thing, they were at another resort. Sana iong resort namen eh ok lang. At sana hindi ganon.

But, I will try to have a good time with my good friends. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I won't be as toasted and roasted :D

Yaaaaahhooooo...