*** Im a Walking Zombie ***

After three years, this is my first night in the Night Shift. Yep, that's correct. I'm in the night shift now. And frankly, I am about to drop dead any minute. I can hardly keep my eyes open, and drinking starbucks cofee and coke doesn't help. I never imagined that I would be in the night shift, but then again, there are things that I have to stand up for. This was my choice. So I have to make them see that I can stand this. This is my first day. So its perfectly understandable.

It all started on Tuesday, I came to the office, and wala! There was a "surprise" waiting for me. OM was waiting for me to tell me that she's changing her mind, and wants me to start taking calls again. What the f#@! I thought we already have an understanding that I am not going to take calls again, but well, I guess I thought wrong. She gave me two options, First option would be to take calls again and I will stay on the morning shift OR Second option will be to be STRICTLY emails but my shift will be from 10 pm to 7 am.

I dont wanna take calls anymore. I decided to take the night shift / strictly emails duo rather than the morning shift / calls duo. Why you may ask? Why? I dont know. I really hate working at night. Plus the fact that I'd be missing my babies so much. Nicko's kaka, and Sajie's hugs. I'm sure going to miss it. But then again, I'm only giving myself 1 month, then I'd go. I've sure decided to go. It's just not so worth it anymore.

** to be continued... not myself... super sleepy **

** continuation ***

It's a good thing, the system is down, and I havent done anything since I guess 1 this morning. :D At least, Im not really that "over-worked" Hahaha. What a term! Anyway, at least Starbucks Tofee Nut Latte and Coke worked for me. :D Im not that sleepy anymore. Well, Im not really saying thatit's good combination - but then again, when you're that desperate to stay alive - er, I mean awake - you just get to combine drinks and food.

I miss my kids, and Honeybachoy. I really do. I miss sleeping with them. Although I know that sooner or later I will have to get used to it, but then again, I just miss being with them. :C If I can just resign now, I will probably just go, but then again, I'm not yet ready to leave my job. Hopefully after a month, I will ok. :D

Whatever, still nonesense - this is what you get for not sleeping before work at night. :C

*** A Letter ***

Dear Chickie, Armi, Debbie and Krysna,

Thanks for giving me the chance to talk to you last night. After 6 long years, finally, we had the chance to talk about "it".

Tama kayo, masahado ng matagal to still dwell on the topic, pero tama ren kayo, mashado masakit para makalimutan lang ng ganon ion diba? I know i have hurt you guys, and i guess, it's too late to actually explain my side. Pero para saan pa ba? Pero sana maniwala kayo, hindi ko kayo gusto saktan. Siguro for a moment, naging selfish ako. I have to admit, inisip ko lang ren what will make me happy. Ang pagkakamali ko lang, hindi ko agad sinabe sa inyo iong totoo.

I had no intentions of giving you up. Pero alam mo ion, nung time na ion, feeling ko wala akong choice. Siguro nga pumili ako agad. Siguro nga hindi ko muna pinalamig iong situation. Siguro nga mali talaga ako, pero as I have said last night, there came a time when I did regret my decision. And giving you up was one of the most painul decisions that I have ever did. I never got over that fact. Hanggang ngayon. There are still times that I wish that you're by my side, just like before.

6 years has passed between us. Ang dami na nangyari, ang dame na nagbago. But I am happy kase hanggang ngayon solid as a rock pa ren kayo. Nakakatuwa isipin na magkakasama pa ren kayo, just like before. And how I wish na sana kasama pa ren ako dun sa group nyo.

Alam mo ko naman, things will never go back to normal, I mean, we will never go back to being the old us. And I know that. When I gave you up guys, that's one risk that I took. I know for a fact na I have lost you talaga -- not to mention the friendship -- and that's one thing that hurted me the most. But like what I said, I have to make a choice, and actually stand by the decision that I made. And kagaya ng sabe ko sa inyo kagabe, there will come a time na magkikita tayo, and masasabi ko sa inyo na ok kame ni Sam. We are. Hindi perfect pero strong and happy. Masaya kame despite the rough roads, the heart aches, the tears. Alam ko naman na happy na ren kayo for me and my family.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Sayang I know I will not be a part of your furture anymore. But here's to hoping the best life for all of us. Wish ko lang, sana when I walk down the aisle, andon kayo.

I just want you to know that I missed all of you so much. Everything about the group, the laughter, the stupidity, the late night drinking / crying sessions, the chickahans, ang walang kasawa - sawang pagkain sa Matty's, lahat. Namiss ko talaga kayo. At namimiss ko pa ren kayo. Hanggang ngayon. You will always be a part of my life.

Debbie - miss na miss ko iong kaartehan mo. Hehehe. Iong pagiging sosyal, at pa girl kuno. :D Ang pagiinsist na dapat everytime na may lakad tayo, dapat my kotse. Miss ko iong pagdalaw mo sa bahay, iong pag gulo mo sa room ko everytime andon ka. Iong pag iingay mo. Iong mga advices mo. Iong pagiging bato mo. :D Babae ka na ngayon! :D

Krysna - congrats! pareho na tayo mommy ngayon. Sayang, my sons will never get to know your Jared. But I am happy for you. Miss ko iong pagiging kikay mo. Iong singing voice mo. Iong pag sayaw mo ng you're the one that I want. The Sir Sarmiento days... hahaha... Iong pagtawag mo ng madaling araw just to say na best friend mo ako kase lasing na lasing ka. I will never forget that. Thanks for keeping up with my crazy attitude.

Chickie - Chix, haaay... if there's one thing that I regret, ion iong I had to give you up. You and your boses-lup-wala-akong-pakialam-basta-kakanta-ako type of attitude. :D In fairness, tumaas talaga ang boses mo ng ilang notes. Hahaha. I miss you so much Chickie. as in. Ang hirap pala pag wala kayo sa tabi ko. Lalo na iong kapag may problems ako, miss ko iong mga advices mo sa ken. Iong pagpunta mo sa bahay, pagkain ng food namen, pangungulit sa mommy ko para lang humingi ng crema de fruta. Aion tuloy, sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng crema de fruta, kaw naalala ko. Congratulations. You were able to live up our dream. Doctor ka na:D I miss hanging out with you. Dining out with you, or just spending time with you. I miss our laugh trip days, iong paglakad naten ng gabe nina Armi. Lahat ion. Im really sorry for hurting you, sorry kung di kita napapansin everytime nagkikita tayo sa kanto. It's not na nagsusuplada ako. Umiiwas lang ako for fear na baka hindi mo ako pansinin, or deadmahin mo lang talaga ako. Miss ko iong tawa mo. Miss kita. As in.

Armi - I really have no intentions of hurting you because of Sam. Gustong - gusto ko talaga sabihen sa yo iong totoo, pero natakot ako. Naduwag. Hindi ko sinasadya. I'm really sorry for hurting you so badly. Sorry for taking our friendship for granted. I didn't mean to fall for Sam. There are a thousand things that I can say - pero ion nga, tapos na ion eh. Wala na talaga ako magagwa pa, wala na akong pwedeng gawen pa. I miss our long talks over the phone, or iong pagpunta mo ng gabe sa bahay. Iong mga pag simba naten together, iong pag lakad naten nina Chickie after every dinner. Iong pag hang-out ko sa bahay nio, or vice versa. Sobrang miss ko ion times na pag may problem ako anjan ka sa tabi ko. Ikaw lage iong first ko na natatawagan everytime may gagwen akong kagaguhan. I miss hanging out with you and Chickie. I miss you sis. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way that we planned, but I'm happy kase I got to be your friend. Thank you kase pumayag ka na maging ninang ni Nicko. Thank you talaga.

I'm really sorry if I really hurted your feelings. Ang dame kong gustong sabihen sa inyo. Ang dame-dame talaga. Pero tapos na eh. Nalipasan na ng panahon eh. We grew up apart - for 6 years - there were so many things na nangyari. But really, thank you for giving me the chance na makausap kayo. It was nice hanging out with all of you again. Kagaya nga ng usapan naten, hindi na tayo babalik sa dati. Malabo na, pero at least ngayon, siguro naman, hindi nio na ako dedeadmahin pag nakita nio ako. I really, really miss you guys. So much. I'm happy you got to be a part of my life.

Ang weird man, but I still stand by what I say. I'm still here for you. Although alam ko na you do not need me anymore. But If in case, kailanganin nio ako - I'm still here for you. I always am. I always will be.

I'm sorry talaga. I missed all of you.

Love,

Nela

*** Current Mood: Sentimental ***

HAWAK KAMAY

by: Yeng Constantino (Pinoy Dream Academy)

Minsan madarama mo kay bigat ng problema

Minsan mahihirapan ka at masasabing “di ko makakaya”

Tumingin ka lang sa langit

Baka sakaling may masumbungan

Di kaya ako’y tawagin

Malalaman mong kahit kailan

*

Hawak-kamayDi kita iiwan sa paglakbay

Dito sa mundong walang katiyakan

Hawak-kamay

Di kita bibitawan sa paglalakbay

Sa mundo ng kawalan
Minsan madarama mo

Ang mundo’y gumuho sa ilalim ng iyong mga paa

At ang agos ng problema’y tinatangay ka

Tumingin ka lang sa langit

Baka sakaling may masumpungan

Di kaya ako’y tawagin

Malalaman mong kahit kailan

*

**

Wag mong sabihin nag-iisa ka

Laging isipin meron kang kasama

Narito ang tulong

Narito ako

*

Sa mundo ng kawalan

Hawak-kamay,

Hawak-kamay

Sa mundo ng kawalan

*** Resuming Wedding Preparations ***

Good news: We are resuming our wedding preps. Yep, we plan to have it next year, but I think Kuya Marc would also want to get married next year as well. That's fine. If they wanna get maried next year. We can have it in 2008, and this time, I know it's going to be for real already. I just realized that planning a wedding is really hard especially if you pay attention to the smalles details. After all, you should because more or less, it's gonna happen just once in a lifetime. (Not unless you wanna get married again. hahaha) It's just exciting, and now I'm realizing a lot of things about wedding preparations.

Eniwei, we still do not have a specific date. It can either September 9, 2007 or September 9 2008. But to tell you honestly, I would prefer to have the wedding in 2008. At least we'll have more time to prepare, more time to save money for the wedding. Hehehe. Also September 9, 2007 is a Sunday, and most of the churches do not have Sunday weddings. We have also altogether scraped the idea of having a beach wedding. Although, that's exactly my dream wedding. Hubby told me that he would prefer to have the rites in a church, and just have the beach wedding ceremony as our renewal of vows. I also realized that it is fine, so our pockets won't hurt that much either.

Now were planning to do it either in Manila or Tagaytay. We also have an idea of where the rites will be held where the reception will be. Just dont wanna disclose the information. Will just talk about it after there are final plans already. :D

*** My Last Day Taking Calls ***

Yahoo! I will not be doing voice calls anymore! I'm going back to the email team! Yahoo. It's to my advantage actually, at least that now, Im formally not doing calls anymore, I dont have anything to do with them anymore. I am out of their way. They are out of my lives. :D

I guess if there's one thing that I will be missing from doing calls, its those long downtimes expecially after my lunch, and all you will ever do is surf the internet until work lets out. But the stress and the customers, no, I won't be missing them. And I know that it will not affect the Voice Team if I just go back to doing emails. After all, lahat naman sila magagaling don. :D (with a sarcastic grin here)

Call me bitter or whatever, you can just say whatever you want to. I dont care. Frankly, all I would ever care about is how to stay until I get my 13th month bonus. After that, I dont think we will still look forward to something else. Hehehe... Bahala sila. They know what's wrong. They just refuse to acknowledge that.

*** Todos Los Santos ***

For 14 years, I have been going to Manila Memorial Park Parañaque for the traditional visit to the grave on November 1st. I used to hate, because I really don't like going to Memorial Park when there are so many people. It's so dirty, and so many garbage are lying around. But in some ways I enjoy it because I get to see my cousins and spend the night together chitchatting. I miss doing that. Things have been pretty different now. We all have our own lives, our families, and you know, not everyone is present anymore. And i miss those days.

When Daddy was still alive, we used to go to Laguna and spend our Todos Los Santos in the grave of my maternal grandparents. All of my maternal cousins will be there, and we would go or they would treat me to a perya and since that's the only time that I see those things, it's always an excitement to go home to Laguna. But when Daddy passed away, we go to Manila Memorial and spend our Halloween's and All Saint's Day there. If we're not busy on the 2nd, mom and I would go to Parañaque Cemetery and visit my paternal grandparents.

Hay, those were the days.

Badtrip... lost my concentration.