*** Zombie - Like Coma ***

Since I got back from Batangas a week and a half ago, I fell into this zombie like coma. Not that I have not experienced this weird feeling - I had been like this before - many, many times. And knowing myself... the times that I had been like this were the most depressing / sad / stupid moments in my life

I hate what it does to me. Its like I shut out everybody in my life - not letting them in - and not letting them know what's going on with me. Not letting them understand why or how I feel like this. A rebellious phase I guess...

I dont have any explanation as to why I am like this. I cant figure it out. I just dont understand myself... I guess... I dont know... I really don't know...

*** Still is a Weird Day ***

When I was going all senti yesterday, I think today is much, much worse. Well yeah, whatever. My brains are fried, I don't think they are even functioning and apparently, all my neurons are not functioning the way they should.

This is another day.... It is still a weird day....

Yesterday, I thought I was over it.... I guess... Im half way over....

Tomorrow, I wish to start a new day... Come wednesday... I will be back to my old self... Hopefully....

Can't seem to enjoy work for a while.... I wonder why...

I just hate this day...

And I'm wishing it will end sooner...

*** Hulabaloos ***

It is such a weird day.

As much as I don't want to hate this day, I can't help but hate it.

Really, never can figure why life is just so damned ironic. It is. Haaaay. I feel like I'm the biggest loser on the planet. Sheeeesh.

I am starting to hate myself. Really, hate it. I don't know. My confusion is pulling me down the drain. After the successful beach outing...now this. There are so many things that can happen in a week's time. I can't help it. I am rattled, puzzled...confused.

Damn it! Really.

I wish I can talk about this. But I can't.

Haaaaay...What a bummer! I really, really, really hate myself for allowing me to be like this.

*** A Sad Love Song ***

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME
By: Venice

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

*** Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart
And I will feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come, and I will do what's right
Just give me til then, to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

***

*** Of Beaches, Otokos, Stargazing and Adobo ***

Kabayan Beach Resort
San Juan, Batangas
Bahay Dama de Noche
May 16 - May 17 2006
The Sharper Image (Batangas Team)



On Tuesday, May 16, 12 of my officemates / friends went to San Juan, Batangas to have a day at the beach. We left at around 6:45 pm. Traffic in Buendia was heavy, and it was almost 7:20pm when we got out of Buendia. Good thing, traffic in SLEX was not as hard as we expected it to be. But the ride was soooo long that i thought i was already delirious because i was seeing mountains when I wasnt supposed to see anything. (It was notably dark, and all i can are silhouettes of trees - but I swear to I really saw a mountain - and that was confirmed. (Yep mary, i told you I saw a mountain)

We arrived at around 10:45 pm, the cottage that we rented was big - it had two bedrooms w/ aircons - sala, veranda, kitchen - the only mistake that we made was that we rented a cottage with only one bathroom - and there are like 12 of us - so you know it takes forever to use the bathroom.

When we arrived at the resort, we so hungry, but later on we realized that we didn't have any rice, so Ace talked with the office, and we they were able to give us 2 kilos of rice. We had games, the we went to the shore, this was around 12:30 am, we started drinking and playing in the sand, when my friends wanted to take a dip in the water, so there we were taking a bath at 2:30 am. This was the first time that I have ever tried doing this -- and it was so much fun...
being silly and being myself :D

At around 4am, we started to pack up, went to the bathroom and took a bath. Most of my friends were sleeping, but Jasper, Mary and me didn't go to sleep at all.I figured, since we are only going to stay for just one night, might as well make the most out of it. So the three of us decided to go to the beach at sunrise, which was super cool. I enjoyed it terribly... we had to wake my friends up because they were missing out on a lot of things. We ended up having coffee, and by 8:00am we were waddling in the shore. I didn't stay long in the water, because there was a scratchy feeling to it.

All in all, it was a happy experience. We all deserved that time out from work, from everything. :D

It's so nice to reminisce and think of such happy thoughts... Hope it will happen again...

*** The Big Day***

Today is the Big Day!!! Sobra excited kame lahat. Shempre naman, we have planned for this for years and wala naman natutuloy. It's just sad that one of our dear officemates can't come because of a very personal reason. Of course, it doesnt help that some of our officemates will be unable to come too because of the schedules. But enihows, we were able to manage the schedules that we have...well of course, we have to admit that we had to twist a finger here and there.

Though i just wish that I am with my loveys. Haaaay... I miss my three boys na. :( Wish they were with me. (Bawi na lang ako sa kanila some other time)

But on the other hand, this will be the first time in years na magbebeach ako! Yippeee! The last was I think in 1996 or 1997. Haaaay. Pathetic.

It's just sad kase mejo mali iong timing. Katatapos lang ng typhoon and Batangas was badly hit by Caloy. One of my friends who went there last night wasnt able to go swimming in the beach and the pool kase there was no water in the pool and the the beach was dirty daw (kase nga katatapos lang ng typhoon). Good thing, they were at another resort. Sana iong resort namen eh ok lang. At sana hindi ganon.

But, I will try to have a good time with my good friends. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I won't be as toasted and roasted :D

Yaaaaahhooooo...

*** Kilig ***

Shucks!!!!! Soooooper gwapo ni DEREK RAMSEY !!!!!!!

Soooooo hoooooootttt!!!! :D

*** Kilig
*** Kilig
*** Kilig

Hayyyy...

*** Happy Mother's Day ***

*** Happy Mother's Day ***
*** I Love You Mommy ***

Haaaay... I can't believe na binabati na ren ako ng Happy Mother's Day... Dati ako lang ang bumabati nito sa mommy ko. Ngayon, pati mommy ko binabati na ren ako ng ganito...hehehe...parang ang weird. :D

Well eniwei... Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!!!

*** Grrr... ***

Bad day... Bad day...

Started out fine... weird, hubby left me this morning. He woke up a little late (much to my dismay) because I can't come to work with him, which means that I am alone (again) this morning because my brother - in - law doesnt have any work today. Thought I was gonna be late, but lo and behold, I was a good 7 minutes early... Eniwei, thought my office mate was pulling my leg, she told me my schedule has changed from wed-Thurs to Tues-Wed. Good grief...only 4 days before the big day and then this?!? Got pretty much upset...went over to my supervisor to complain...told me she was taking sup calls (at the back of mind - I swear - I wanted to ask but kept silent -- when did she ever start taking sup calls seriously).

Threw my things here and there, not that I was really meaning to do -- offend anybody for that matter -- probably just ranting off silently, trying to calm down and pretend that it is not true - was forcing myself to calm down ( I swear - I felt my blood rushing through my head) sup came over to me, told me to log out and sit down (just like that). She was dwelling on my "pagdadabog" and not on the main issue - the schedule change. She was saying something like why did I do that - don't I respect her anymore? (Something to that effect)... I was trembling mad (one of the few times that I have experienced it again) She wasnt resolving my issue.

Please the issue is not about that - the issue here is the ABRUPT schedule change. They can't toss and turn people just like that. She was dwelling on that issue - not on the resolution - I even told to her face that if she's the one making "dabog" (my mind's too cloudy to even think about the english translation for this word) - why can't we react to it? Is she the only one who has the right to do that? Stupid.... Apparently, got what I wanted for... sched remained the same

*** CARDINAL RULE ***
*** NEVER EVER ARGUE WITH ME IN THE MORNING. (Don't even ask what I can do)

As I was telling my friend, maybe these are the following reasons why I reacted like that:
1. It happened in the morning - It happened before 6am.
2. It's my second day
3. A lost promotion
4. Abrupt schedule change

That's what I have been telling everybody who knows me: DO NOT TALK TO ME IN THE MORNING UNLESS I WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO TALK TO YOU.

*** Cooling Down
*** Cooling Down....

Well, at least at the end of the day, I still have something to look forward to - an overnight stay in a beach at San Juan, Batangas with my friends! Haaayyyy...wish everyday can be like that - no more sups, no more sched change, no work...

* Somber *

Its almost a week now, I haven't seen my kids. I miss them so much. If I will not be so busy tomorrow, will fetch them from Laguna... After that we will be one big, happy, crazy family again! :D

Although, being away from my kids give me the time that I need for myself...

I miss my babies...

* Sigh *