*** A Letter ***

Dear Chickie, Armi, Debbie and Krysna,

Thanks for giving me the chance to talk to you last night. After 6 long years, finally, we had the chance to talk about "it".

Tama kayo, masahado ng matagal to still dwell on the topic, pero tama ren kayo, mashado masakit para makalimutan lang ng ganon ion diba? I know i have hurt you guys, and i guess, it's too late to actually explain my side. Pero para saan pa ba? Pero sana maniwala kayo, hindi ko kayo gusto saktan. Siguro for a moment, naging selfish ako. I have to admit, inisip ko lang ren what will make me happy. Ang pagkakamali ko lang, hindi ko agad sinabe sa inyo iong totoo.

I had no intentions of giving you up. Pero alam mo ion, nung time na ion, feeling ko wala akong choice. Siguro nga pumili ako agad. Siguro nga hindi ko muna pinalamig iong situation. Siguro nga mali talaga ako, pero as I have said last night, there came a time when I did regret my decision. And giving you up was one of the most painul decisions that I have ever did. I never got over that fact. Hanggang ngayon. There are still times that I wish that you're by my side, just like before.

6 years has passed between us. Ang dami na nangyari, ang dame na nagbago. But I am happy kase hanggang ngayon solid as a rock pa ren kayo. Nakakatuwa isipin na magkakasama pa ren kayo, just like before. And how I wish na sana kasama pa ren ako dun sa group nyo.

Alam mo ko naman, things will never go back to normal, I mean, we will never go back to being the old us. And I know that. When I gave you up guys, that's one risk that I took. I know for a fact na I have lost you talaga -- not to mention the friendship -- and that's one thing that hurted me the most. But like what I said, I have to make a choice, and actually stand by the decision that I made. And kagaya ng sabe ko sa inyo kagabe, there will come a time na magkikita tayo, and masasabi ko sa inyo na ok kame ni Sam. We are. Hindi perfect pero strong and happy. Masaya kame despite the rough roads, the heart aches, the tears. Alam ko naman na happy na ren kayo for me and my family.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Sayang I know I will not be a part of your furture anymore. But here's to hoping the best life for all of us. Wish ko lang, sana when I walk down the aisle, andon kayo.

I just want you to know that I missed all of you so much. Everything about the group, the laughter, the stupidity, the late night drinking / crying sessions, the chickahans, ang walang kasawa - sawang pagkain sa Matty's, lahat. Namiss ko talaga kayo. At namimiss ko pa ren kayo. Hanggang ngayon. You will always be a part of my life.

Debbie - miss na miss ko iong kaartehan mo. Hehehe. Iong pagiging sosyal, at pa girl kuno. :D Ang pagiinsist na dapat everytime na may lakad tayo, dapat my kotse. Miss ko iong pagdalaw mo sa bahay, iong pag gulo mo sa room ko everytime andon ka. Iong pag iingay mo. Iong mga advices mo. Iong pagiging bato mo. :D Babae ka na ngayon! :D

Krysna - congrats! pareho na tayo mommy ngayon. Sayang, my sons will never get to know your Jared. But I am happy for you. Miss ko iong pagiging kikay mo. Iong singing voice mo. Iong pag sayaw mo ng you're the one that I want. The Sir Sarmiento days... hahaha... Iong pagtawag mo ng madaling araw just to say na best friend mo ako kase lasing na lasing ka. I will never forget that. Thanks for keeping up with my crazy attitude.

Chickie - Chix, haaay... if there's one thing that I regret, ion iong I had to give you up. You and your boses-lup-wala-akong-pakialam-basta-kakanta-ako type of attitude. :D In fairness, tumaas talaga ang boses mo ng ilang notes. Hahaha. I miss you so much Chickie. as in. Ang hirap pala pag wala kayo sa tabi ko. Lalo na iong kapag may problems ako, miss ko iong mga advices mo sa ken. Iong pagpunta mo sa bahay, pagkain ng food namen, pangungulit sa mommy ko para lang humingi ng crema de fruta. Aion tuloy, sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng crema de fruta, kaw naalala ko. Congratulations. You were able to live up our dream. Doctor ka na:D I miss hanging out with you. Dining out with you, or just spending time with you. I miss our laugh trip days, iong paglakad naten ng gabe nina Armi. Lahat ion. Im really sorry for hurting you, sorry kung di kita napapansin everytime nagkikita tayo sa kanto. It's not na nagsusuplada ako. Umiiwas lang ako for fear na baka hindi mo ako pansinin, or deadmahin mo lang talaga ako. Miss ko iong tawa mo. Miss kita. As in.

Armi - I really have no intentions of hurting you because of Sam. Gustong - gusto ko talaga sabihen sa yo iong totoo, pero natakot ako. Naduwag. Hindi ko sinasadya. I'm really sorry for hurting you so badly. Sorry for taking our friendship for granted. I didn't mean to fall for Sam. There are a thousand things that I can say - pero ion nga, tapos na ion eh. Wala na talaga ako magagwa pa, wala na akong pwedeng gawen pa. I miss our long talks over the phone, or iong pagpunta mo ng gabe sa bahay. Iong mga pag simba naten together, iong pag lakad naten nina Chickie after every dinner. Iong pag hang-out ko sa bahay nio, or vice versa. Sobrang miss ko ion times na pag may problem ako anjan ka sa tabi ko. Ikaw lage iong first ko na natatawagan everytime may gagwen akong kagaguhan. I miss hanging out with you and Chickie. I miss you sis. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way that we planned, but I'm happy kase I got to be your friend. Thank you kase pumayag ka na maging ninang ni Nicko. Thank you talaga.

I'm really sorry if I really hurted your feelings. Ang dame kong gustong sabihen sa inyo. Ang dame-dame talaga. Pero tapos na eh. Nalipasan na ng panahon eh. We grew up apart - for 6 years - there were so many things na nangyari. But really, thank you for giving me the chance na makausap kayo. It was nice hanging out with all of you again. Kagaya nga ng usapan naten, hindi na tayo babalik sa dati. Malabo na, pero at least ngayon, siguro naman, hindi nio na ako dedeadmahin pag nakita nio ako. I really, really miss you guys. So much. I'm happy you got to be a part of my life.

Ang weird man, but I still stand by what I say. I'm still here for you. Although alam ko na you do not need me anymore. But If in case, kailanganin nio ako - I'm still here for you. I always am. I always will be.

I'm sorry talaga. I missed all of you.

Love,

Nela