I was at the lowest point of my life. It was a challenge that I never thought would happen to me, of all the people. But somehow, through the darkest times, the sun still shines… (to be written in another blog)
It all started with a chance meeting on November 2008. It was around 2 - 3am. I came from a get together with my friends. Him and S were coming out of the house of their friend which was situated right in front of our house. I wanted to hide. Well, it's not that I'm not friendly or anything, It's just that I feel awkward in situations like that. I often see him around. At the store with his friends, sometimes, his car is parked in front of our house. But I never had the courage to even smile. I'm not sure if he even remembers me.
Well anyway, I don't think I can still get out of this one. S and him were already looking at me, and obviously S was leading him to me. I stopped just in front of our gate and stared at them, him more curiously. I remember his first words... "Nela, addict ka ba? Bakit ang payat mo. Tingnan mo ako ang taba ko na noh?" I was stunned. In my mind, I thought "Hello, close tayo? Sino ka para tanungin ako kung addict ako?" I smiled sheepishly. S said, "Banene, classmate mo. Diba classmate mo siya?" I said "Oo. Kamusta ka na?" He said "Okay naman". Then S said "O sige na, pasok ka na".
That was it. The next time that we saw each other was on that infamous day on September 09, followed by my youngest sons' birthday on December 09. And on both occasions, I did not say a single word to him.
Then come 2010. It was February 17, a Wednesday. I asked S if he wanted to go out and to also ask his friends too. Nothing really. I wanted to go out with his friends so that I will get to know them as well. S called him up and invited him too. The four of us went to a bar at BF Homes named Tides. We drank, ate and they were noisy. I was quiet. Still, I did not say anything to him. Just a smile here and there. I see him looking at me, but then I was a bit preoccupied. Though, I remember that when I went to the bathroom, he noticed that I did not take a long time. And the reason was because I went to the wrong bathroom. Instead of going to the women's bathroom, I went inside the men's bathroom and there was puke all over, plus it smelled really bad and I could not stand it. We called it a day at around 3 am and that was the first time that I sent him a text message thanking him for coming. I did not think that that message was just a start of something else.
I remember me and his friends went bowling at SM MOA. After this, we went to another bar named Carwash, which is still located at BF Homes. They were saying this is their sanctuary. This is were they would often go and drink and spend time just chatting. And this was also the first time that we had a real conversation. Talk for hours. I remember him taking the seat in front of me. Looking at me intently when we talk to each other. I remember having our own conversation amidst the conversation around us. I remember how thoughtfully he would blow his smoke away from me because he found out I had asthma. I remember him asking if there is something else that I need or want.
That same week, we went again to Carwash and had our first videoke night. It was S, me, J and him. They drank the night away, and I watched them get drunk. He sang. I remember the first song that he ever sang was Ipagpatawad mo by Brownman Revival. He also sang Binibini and Ngiti. I remember him saying that he wasn't really used to singing. And like this was his first time to sing. But I really won't forget was this funny story when I was supposed to go the bathroom. He was standing a few feet away from the bathroom door, when I went there, I tapped his arm and he suddenly said "Teka sandali, may tao." I was like "Huh? Anong me tao?" He said "Ang dami tao kaya, anjan sila". Finally, I got it… "Nyek… pupunta ako sa bathroom" Then he laughed. He said "Akala ko sasama mo ako". Hahaha. That was funny.
After that night and that joke, I felt like somehow I have finally broken the ice with him or something. S was happy because finally I get to bond with his friends. And that finally, I get to talk to them. Something that he has been asking me to do since forever.
There were many nights that we went out. And the truth was, I was happy. Happy because S was happy because I only spend time not just with him, but his friends. Happy because I am making new friends. But cautious still. Because I know that they know what's the real meaning to what I am doing. Happy because finally, I was breaking the ice with him.
If you must know, we were classmates during our grade school years. A good four years too, though we weren't really talking. Well, he wasn't talking to me. I always thought that he thinks of me as "maarte" during those years. My memories of him are vague, except that I know, we were once bus mates, and before we go home, we play Cops and Robbers, where in I know he runs fast because he would always run after me. All I actually remember of him was he was this quiet, shy, thin boy who would always look at me as if he was going to eat me or something.
Moving back to present time, because he was my classmate before, I just took it upon myself to further break the ice. I started sending him text messages, and he responded. I did not think that it would be the beginning of something that I did not expect.
One night, I remember my friend telling me that for once, I was smiling when I was holding my phone. And that I always check my phone. He was even teasing me that I have a new text mate. I blushed and told him about this new friend. He told me, he makes you smile. I'm happy to see you smiling again. It sounded incredulous. Me smiling? That was impossible. Someone going through a tough situation like that.. Smiling?
We kept on exchanging messages, until one time where we were exchanging messages the whole night. You see, I am working on the night shift, which means I am usually awake at night, and he was also taking the shift with me. He just dozed off for a I dunno, maybe half an hour or so, then we started texting again until I went home. That night, I told my friend, what happened. We were eating at our favorite hang out, Tapa King. And the song that was playing was "Constantly". He told me, you are falling for him. He makes you smile. He makes you happy. Look at you. You're happy. I am happy that you are happy. I told him, that I don't think it's right. He told me, for as long as he makes you happy. For as long as you are happy, that's right.
I went home thinking about what my friend told me. He does make me happy. He does make me smile. For once, during such a turbulent time in my life, I found my solace. My solitude. My sanctuary. And its true. He makes me smile. He makes me happy.
When we saw each other after that night, we knew, without saying anything that somehow, something has changed between us. We started drifting toward each other. Every time we would go out, we would sit next to each other. We would have private jokes. Private moments. I probably was not thinking straight, but I was just letting my heart feel the happiness. I don't have any intentions of bringing it to the next level. I know, I started to look at him differently. He started to look at me differently too. I know. We were happy.
Until one night, we were at Carwash, all through out the night we were talking to each other, joking around each other. He was telling me that he is liking someone. I was telling him that I was liking someone too. For the rest of the night, we were beside each other. When I got home, I received a message from him saying that I was talking about you. I replied, I was talking about you too.
Amidst all the confusion, he was that one person that can make me smile. And as love comes like a thief in the night, it also comes at the most unexpected time. At the most unexpected moment. With the most unexpected person.
